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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Hunk20 on May 30, 2010, at 23:51:03
In reply to Re: NARDIL (Phenelzine) 4 weeks in, posted by Dan_MI on May 14, 2010, at 15:32:40
I was to hard on myself and too hard on my family. I apologize to them thoroughly.
Thats why i felt so high. I went from one extreme into another.
From the pretender to the opposite. I will do sh*t as long as i need it.
Its a lifelong process.
Posted by Hunk20 on May 31, 2010, at 19:30:58
In reply to I know what went wrong. wanted too much at once, posted by Hunk20 on May 30, 2010, at 23:51:03
I may have sounded very manic, but its also the distress from therapy. Processing Childhood. I will talk to my pdoc about going a bit down on nardil and adding low dose lithium. For safety purposes.
All i want is good support for therapy wich nardil defenitly does.
None of the docs i was visiting said i was manic. Its just an awful load of bad stuff that happened to me when i was a child.Bringing this to the surface makes me feel the pain again you know.. But you are right i will be more careful and take things slower. Both the Therapy/thinking/writing part and the med part.
I was sverely depressed for big parts of my life
Posted by Phillipa on May 31, 2010, at 19:37:32
In reply to Re: I know what went wrong. wanted too much at onc, posted by Hunk20 on May 31, 2010, at 19:30:58
Hunk glad your back and so glad to hear that you are taking the correct doseage of nardil. How's the thearphy going? Love Phillipa
Posted by Hunk20 on June 3, 2010, at 4:57:04
In reply to Re: I know what went wrong. wanted too much at onc » Hunk20, posted by Phillipa on May 31, 2010, at 19:37:32
Therapy was going pretty well.. We got far.
I now went back to my moms place.. better support because it was getting a bit dangerous.
Got to look for good therapists and a psychiatrist now.I will keep you updated. Eventually i will add low dose lithium to the nardil. Go down to 2 1/2 pill or stick with 3. Will discuss with a german psychiatrist.
Posted by Phillipa on June 3, 2010, at 18:49:23
In reply to Re: I know what went wrong. wanted too much at onc, posted by Hunk20 on June 3, 2010, at 4:57:04
Hunk your'e back in Germany? How are things going? Phillipa
Posted by Hunk20 on June 10, 2010, at 13:16:14
In reply to Re: I know what went wrong. wanted too much at onc » Hunk20, posted by Phillipa on June 3, 2010, at 18:49:23
Yes i am back in germany..
I saw too much of the truth in too little time. Nardil a drug of truth to me. I am endlessly thankful it came my way since i had this huge epiphany. And my life will be a way of spiritual growth thats for sure(book "the road less travelled").
I am thinking about taking very low dose nardil and adding a antipsychotic.
One time i lost touch with reality and my mood is just too unstable even though there is a logical explanation for most of it and even doctors cant tell if i am at risk for schizophrenia.. all this stuff that looks psychotic are issues with my father/mother that came to the surface. But its still too much to take.
Any suggestions?
Posted by Phillipa on June 10, 2010, at 19:57:56
In reply to thinking about adding antipsychotic., posted by Hunk20 on June 10, 2010, at 13:16:14
Hunk that book is by Scott Peck read all of his good books. Schizophrenia can you list the symptoms your're experiencing Phillipa
Posted by Hunk20 on June 11, 2010, at 0:54:11
In reply to Re: thinking about adding antipsychotic. » Hunk20, posted by Phillipa on June 10, 2010, at 19:57:56
Symptoms.. i had 1 light psychosis when i was on 60mg.
The rest was just deep thinking about humans and how 80% are almost exact copies of their parents because they never got attention and tried hard.
Figured everything out about my childhood/relationships on nardil.
Not sure wether it is shizo or not
Posted by violette on June 11, 2010, at 2:54:05
In reply to thinking about adding antipsychotic., posted by Hunk20 on June 10, 2010, at 13:16:14
A sort of transient psychosis can occur with depression, anxiety, mania, after abruptly quitting alcohol or drugs, or in times of high stress/feeling overwhelming emotions. This can also occur with people who have borderline or narcissistic tendencies, etc.
Most of the time, it does not indicate schizophrenia....I also recall reading that people with schizophrenia are more likely to have auditory delusions rather than visual hallucinations...not sure if I remember correctly but that can be googled.
I remember when you first posted, it sounded as if you had mania approaching the borderline of delusions/psychosis. I wouldn't worry about schizophrenia (its not as if you don't have enough to worry about now!) and your PDoc might say a mood stabilizer, rather than an antipsychotic, is necessary. Or maybe just lowering the dose of your current anti-depressant?
Hang in there-you sound like a courageous individual. Therapy often gets worse before it things get better...In many ways, its a sign that therapy is "working".
Did you know you were having the psychosis at the time, or at least part of the time? If you did, I'm quite certain its not schizophrania. Let us know how it goes.
Best,
Violette
Posted by violette on June 11, 2010, at 11:51:34
In reply to Re: thinking about adding antipsychotic., posted by Hunk20 on June 11, 2010, at 0:54:11
You doing ok? The last post to you sounded goofy-I didn't mean to say psychosis is an indication therapy is working but rather being overwhelmed by feeling unprocessed emotional distress can be a side effect.
When you repress your emotions for years with whatever defense mechanisms you had been using to block out feeling pain, your mind is not equipped to handle all those emotions and can now only tolerate so much. Without the defense mechanisms in place, you start to lose your sense of self which leads to a lapses or diversions from reality-delusions/pseudo-psychosis.
In any case, with emotional flooding, try not to "overthink" because that can lead to the spiraling you are experiencing. If you start having those intense thoughts its best to do something like watch a funny movie, any activity to stop the thinking when it starts to get intense, to prevent it from getting out of control. Benzos can be a good remedy if it happens to you on occasion.
Of course maybe your doctor might attribute it all to the Nardil. But to not discourage you from thinking your doctor might quit prescribing it for you, what you experienced happens to many in your situation, who do not even take any medications. It can be all psychological, from the medication, or perhaps both. Hopefully your doctor will reassure to ease your fears and help you feel safe.
Please keep us updated and take good care.
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 2:51:21
In reply to Re: thinking about adding antipsychotic., posted by violette on June 11, 2010, at 11:51:34
Thanks violette, i will try to explain the events that caused doctors to wonder whats up.
First of all i was kind of flipping back and forth between two worlds. The world of my parents and the world of ME :)
World of me was awesome, the world of my parents horribly painful.One day i got extremly angry before therapy.. angry that i have never been myself. At the same time "a disturbed child crying for attention" was on my facebook. I go to the therapist and let that anger fade to her. She kind of threw a spark of life into me. That day i felt LOVE. Then i go to the supermarket and someone was calling for the manager over the speaker. I heard my name and thought it was my father because i did something wrong.
That was the first delusion.The second delusion i felt like my father was paying people in the hotel to spy me so i dont find out more about my childhood and my father. I then called the police to testify. The police came and was really weird to me. Then i thought the police isnt the real police but payed by my father to lock me up. I also thought the manager of my hotel was payed by my father.
This where the two delusions i had.
What do you think?
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 3:12:12
In reply to Re: thinking about adding antipsychotic. » Hunk20, posted by violette on June 11, 2010, at 2:54:05
also i was on 60mg instead of 45mg.
I was kind of manic at the time of the delusions.
Posted by chujoe on June 12, 2010, at 7:42:50
In reply to also higher dosage., posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 3:12:12
Hunk, I think these would qualify as "transient delusions" that were perhaps brought on by your emotional turmoil and the higher-than-necessary dose of Nardil. Since they passed & you can now see them for what they were, I don't think you have to worry too much. Of course, you should consider your doctor's advice about using an anti-psychotic, but those drugs can have a downside that you might be able to avoid. I agree with Violette that ongoing psychodynamic therapy is a good idea.
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 13:08:08
In reply to Re: also higher dosage. » Hunk20, posted by chujoe on June 12, 2010, at 7:42:50
yeah me too.. the only mistake i did is shoving guilt down everyones throat. I will go back to america because i had two great therapists there and friends that know me a whole lot better than anyone in germany.
The mental pain i had in SD was just overwhelming. BUT i was happy.
The therapists were very impressed with me. Problem is something went terribly wrong with my parents.. they were concerned and pulled me back to germany.
Posted by SLS on June 12, 2010, at 13:35:45
In reply to Re: also higher dosage., posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 13:08:08
> yeah me too.. the only mistake i did is shoving guilt down everyones throat. I will go back to america because i had two great therapists there and friends that know me a whole lot better than anyone in germany.
>
> The mental pain i had in SD was just overwhelming. BUT i was happy.
>
> The therapists were very impressed with me. Problem is something went terribly wrong with my parents.. they were concerned and pulled me back to germany.There is no need to rush.
- Scott
Posted by violette on June 12, 2010, at 15:04:37
In reply to The two 'psychoses' i had, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 2:51:21
Hi there,
Of course only your doctor/therapist knows for sure, but I definitely think the delusions were transitory as a result of losing your sense of self and emotional flooding. I think its called 'fragmentation'. In fact, based on what you had written, I don't even think you are bipolar....
It's not uncommon for people to create a false self to numb/block the pain resulting from our experiences with our parents. Many people remain in that state, totally unaware, in denial (like your father perhaps). It sounds like you had an awakening, so the good news is--a therapist can help you rebuild your authentic self. It's only uphill from here.
Schizophrenia, from my understanding, is more of a cognitive/thought disorder rather than merely a manifestation of 'psychosis'.
It sounds like you have a good personal support system in America with your friends and understanding and skilled therapist who was truly able to reach into your psyche. It does sound like you might be better off going back to the states. What do you think?
Did your doctor in Germany prescribe you an antipsychotic, or are you sticking with the Nardil? I would stick with the lower dose of Nardil and augment with Xanax to deal with any emotional flooding, for now. Maybe try a mood stabilizer if it becomes a frequent problem. It seems like your symptoms are more psychological and the Nardil will help you cope.
Hang in there-it sounds like you are going to be better than ever working towards self growth. I am truly touched by stories like yours and am silently cheering for you.
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 15:57:29
In reply to Re: The two 'psychoses' i had » Hunk20, posted by violette on June 12, 2010, at 15:04:37
thanks for the cheering violette:)
so i dont need to be scared that i cant rebuild it when i get back to the states?
Cuz i need to show my parents that the us is best for me.
For now they put me in mental hospital because i talked to my mom like i do to my therapist.Im not sure how long it takes until i can go back nor what to do.
Id prefer to stay true to myself.A city in the states and me became real love. I mean i was alive for the first time. I am BORN in that city.
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 16:05:49
In reply to mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 15:57:29
so there is no need to rush? Means lets say i am more of my false self again for 1-2 month i can still pull it?
does time matter here?
Posted by SLS on June 12, 2010, at 17:25:50
In reply to Re: mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 16:05:49
> so there is no need to rush? Means lets say i am more of my false self again for 1-2 month i can still pull it?
>
> does time matter here?
I think you are being flooded with thoughts and feelings that you are have a great deal of trouble filtering. It might be better to take your time to process them than make decisions based upon impulse. You can be true to yourself from this point forward. However, your true self can still take his time to sort things out and consider his alternatives; making informed and well-deliberated decisions.I am still concerned that you are experiencing a manic reaction to Nardil. I am not recommending that you discontinue the Nardil, though. I don't know what your history is or what you are attempting to treat. If you are treating a severe depression or mood disorder, and you have felt dramatically better with Nardil, perhaps you can continue taking it and add a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic to prevent mania. It might very well be that you will need 60mg of Nardil. However, I would not recommend that you raise your dosage without working with your doctor to establish a strategy to treat the mania.
You might profit a great deal from psychotherapy. However, I'm not sure how much your quality of life will improve without treating a biological mental illness if that is indeed what you are suffering from.
- Scott
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 20:00:01
In reply to Re: The two 'psychoses' i had » Hunk20, posted by violette on June 12, 2010, at 15:04:37
what do you think about that combo?
Posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2010, at 20:19:44
In reply to mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 15:57:29
Hi Hunk have missed talking with you. So you are still in Germany and in a hospital there? Do they also provide theraphy there? How is your doctor? What recommendations has he/she made any? Phillipa
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 21:44:54
In reply to Re: mom put me in mental hospital » Hunk20, posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2010, at 20:19:44
Hey Phillipa..
The doctors are crappy.. they thought i am psychotic for saying that i never really was myself.
They just fix symptoms. So now they pulled me off to 30mg nardil, wich doesnt do anything at all.
And i lost alot of my joy and the feeling of being my true self.
Nice work right.
Posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2010, at 21:59:27
In reply to Re: mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 21:44:54
Hunk who originally put you on nardil? The docs in Germany or USA? How long in the hospital did they say? What meds are they giving you now? Phillipa
Posted by violette on June 12, 2010, at 23:05:41
In reply to Re: mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 21:44:54
It's going to be ok H20! Because things spiraled out of control once does not mean its permanent!
Here-I came across this blog and it reminded me of you:
http://therapy-diary.blogspot.com/2009/09/dr.html
http://insidetherapy.blogspot.com/2006/08/mind-integrated-and-fragmented.html
This person is very articulate. Maybe reading this will help inspire you during this uncomfortable time (you could also show that PDoc what you meant about never being yourself).
Posted by Hunk20 on June 13, 2010, at 6:51:05
In reply to NARDIL (Phenelzine) 4 weeks in, posted by Hunk20 on May 8, 2010, at 22:54:57
So that was not a dream that i had in the us and even though it can take 3-4 weeks to continue therapy i can get back there?
Also what can i do to support the real me while being in here?
Please guys feed me with hope. I been to church today.. Cried like crazy. But i know each tear is a bit less mental illness and needs to be cried. I always cry in church ;)
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