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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 681 to 705 of 1838. Go back in thread:
Posted by iris2 on October 2, 2004, at 22:36:02
In reply to RE: More info please...stressed, posted by stressed on October 2, 2004, at 11:37:34
Because of her binging problem, I am not supposed to mention a diet, weight, etc. at all to her. I really can't ask her if she has lost anything. Doctors instructions, of course.
I am curious is this doctor a therapist?
I think it is paramount that your daughter sees a therapist. If she has an eating disorder than no matter what medication she needs to work on the causes. You seem really preoccupied by her weight more than the binging. How overweight is she? Are she or you over stressing the weight problem? Does she have a lot of body image problems? Is being a little overweight seems like a huge amount and impossible to deal with? Or is she actually very overweight. I know at this age body image is very important but if it is overblown by those around her that only makes her emotional problems worse. I am asking because I have had an eating disorder since I was 15. I was anorexic and weighed 56 pounds at 5'2" before I started eating again. My mother was always weight conscious. Way too worried about her own weight and both her daughters. It created many more problems for me. I have been bulimic and binge eating for 30 years now. I am better now. I do not have the symptoms most of the time but I always suffer with body image problems. I am not happy unless I am very underweight. A lot of grace and age has been helpful to me. I am probably about the correct weight for my height but I feel like I am overweight. The problem is too much emphasis on weight and not enough on physical activity and eating correctly. That is especially important to a teenager. They, as all of us need to be physically active as it creates a better more muscular body and from that a better body image to say nothing of improving self image, confidence and boosting those all important good feeling chemicals in our brains.
It would be interesting to know how much your daughter really is overweight? You sound very concerned. How much is the concern coming from her just feeling bad about herself as apposed to a big weight problem.
Unless someone is morbidly obese no one should take a medication solely to loose weight. Topimax is used as a mood stabilizer. It is news to me that a doctor would prescribe it to someone just to loose weight. It is a difficult medication and one needs not to be in any rush with it. It can be dangerous.I took it as a mood stabilizer only because I have a bladder disease that makes it virtually impossible for me to take most medications and I was able to take Topimax. My doctor never told me that it could cause weight loss. I never noticed any improvement in my bulimia or binging. Nor did it get worse. My depression either got worse or nothing happened. But it seemed to me that when I took it I was more tired. I did not loose any weight. I was on it for several months. I cannot remember how much. I weaned myself off of it. I cannot remember all the side effects but it took me a couple of months to get off the stuff. After I went off of it I gained about 30 pounds. I had no idea it was from not taking the Topimax. I had not been I touch with my doctor. When I told him how I had gained so much weight so quickly he asked me if I had stopped taking the Topimax. He than told me that it was a common effect to gain a lot of weight even though I never lost any on it when you go off of it. Because of my eating disorder and what this weight gain caused me mentally he suggested I go back on the Topimax. I immediately lost the weight I had gained but not more. I weaned myself off of it again but this time over several months.
I tell you all this because I have a lot of experience with eating disorders and it started at about your daughter’s age. I also have taken Topimax. From what you have described I do not think this is what your daughter needs to be taking. Just my opinion.
I think the doctor is dealing with symptoms and not with the disease. In the end that will hurt more than help. Loosing weight is not the answer if she has an eating disorder. I have seen people actually gain weight and be overweight but because they got the right kind of help for their eating disorders they were a lot happier and dealt with the weight gain like "normal" people do.
I hope I did not make you feel too unhappy with what is going on but I think there needs to be good judgment when dealing with such complicated and life threatening illnesses and medications.
irene
Posted by stressed on October 3, 2004, at 12:28:30
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » stressed, posted by headachequeen on October 2, 2004, at 19:57:23
Ok, here is the situation. My daughter weighs around 170, maybe a little more. She is 5'6. She has about six Cheerleading uniforms she needs to be able to wear through out the year. So far they are really tight, and I know she will be very hurt if she cannot cheer because she can't wear the cloths. She lives for this chearleading thing. I am a fittnes instuctor, and she has been working out with a trainer and doing cardio for over one year. Nothing is changing. Her Phys. told us that Topamax changes the way you think about food, and could possibly help along with cognative therapy. I see how this will disrupt her life and it's painful to hear the comments the kids and other people make about her gainging this weight. I know I can't shield her from that, and it will eventually get to her. She keeps saying she doesn't want to be fat. I wish it were me, because I know it's harder to watch it happen to your child. Thanks for any other adivice anyone wants to contribute. I really have been relying on all of you for support.
Posted by headachequeen on October 3, 2004, at 12:48:47
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 3, 2004, at 12:28:30
> Ok, here is the situation. My daughter weighs around 170, maybe a little more. She is 5'6.
could the fitness and exercise program be bumped up a notch to help her work off the weight??through the time you have been on the list she should SAFELY have been able to move up to the next level (50 mg) of the med... and it should be beginning to curb the urge to eat...
this is going to work... but we have to give it time....
and we have to be confident for her and with her and with you...
and we are here to help you get through it so you can be confident for her...the negative approach will not help you and we are not going there...
agreed???
kat
Posted by iris2 on October 3, 2004, at 12:55:21
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 3, 2004, at 12:28:30
> Ok, here is the situation. My daughter weighs around 170, maybe a little more. She is 5'6. She has about six Cheerleading uniforms she needs to be able to wear through out the year. So far they are really tight, and I know she will be very hurt if she cannot cheer because she can't wear the cloths. She lives for this chearleading thing. I am a fittnes instuctor, and she has been working out with a trainer and doing cardio for over one year. Nothing is changing. Her Phys. told us that Topamax changes the way you think about food, and could possibly help along with cognative therapy. I see how this will disrupt her life and it's painful to hear the comments the kids and other people make about her gainging this weight. I know I can't shield her from that, and it will eventually get to her. She keeps saying she doesn't want to be fat. I wish it were me, because I know it's harder to watch it happen to your child. Thanks for any other adivice anyone wants to contribute. I really have been relying on all of you for support.
Ok so I think I understand you to be saying that she is in "therapy" as in talking to someone?
I guess her doctor is of the opinion that this is not just a simple overweight problem. That she has some psychiatric issues that are affecting her. You said that she binge eats? I certainly understand how impportant the cheerleeding is to a teen and how important her weight is . How other kids can be so cruel about it all. How it will affect her self esteem. I guess from the way you speak about it all it makes me causious as to what her problems actually are. It is difficult to ascertain from you whether she has mental health issues or not. I understand your great concern as her Mother.Not wanting her to be hurt by life. If she is seeing a pdoc and he/she thinks her problem with her weight is psychological (not that is usually is not) to a degree that say she would have a diagnosis of an eating disorder and therefore she needs psychiatric medictions to ameliorate her symptoms. NOT JUST to LOOSE WEIGHT. This would be an abuse of medication and would not be to her advantage in the long term. No one wants to be fat. Lots of us have trouble keeping our weight down . Most of us do not have major mental health issues that would demand psychaitric intervention for it. I wish you and your daughter the best.irene
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 3, 2004, at 13:51:21
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » stressed, posted by iris2 on October 3, 2004, at 12:55:21
If she has muscle and is 170...that isn't too overweight for 5ft 6. I hope she isn't trying to look at the scale and is just telling by clothes if she is losing weight. Kids are cruel and mean. I know cheerleading is important to her but honestly, it's not the end of the world. She's only 16. Yes, I know, try to explain that to a 16 year old. I am 5'6" and at 170, because of the muscle I have, I look good. I weigh 230 right now and look like I weigh about 190. I guess it depends on your body type. Can she not just get bigger uniforms? I mean heaven sake. It's not like she isn't healthy enough to cheer is she? When I was in high school we had a chick on the squad who was pretty chunky but dang she could cheer better than any of them and ended up being Captain her senior year. It sounds like maybe she has some serious outside influences that have to do with her self image. Life isn't all about the outside image. Skinny doesn't equal healthy either. As long as she eats healthy and you said she has been exercising (hopefully not obsessively) her weight shouldn't matter. She's not morbidly obese, just slightly overweight for her height and if people can't keep their mouth shut about her gaining a few pounds then what snobs!! Maybe she needs some better people to hang around with. If she has real friends they will understand what she is going through thick or thin..excuse the pun. It sounds like you are a really supportive mom and she is blessed to have you. I hope she has a few good friends she can trust as well. She is going to need them.
Posted by stressed on October 3, 2004, at 14:59:58
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » stressed, posted by iris2 on October 3, 2004, at 12:55:21
Thanks so much everyone. She is seeing an M.D. and a shrink, so I think we are safe there. I hope. I will let you know how it goes. You are all such wonderful people. Thanks again.
Posted by headachequeen on October 3, 2004, at 16:15:33
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 3, 2004, at 13:51:21
> If she has muscle and is 170...that isn't too overweight for 5ft 6. I hope she isn't trying to look at the scale and is just telling by clothes if she is losing weight. Kids are cruel and mean. I know cheerleading is important to her but honestly, it's not the end of the world. She's only 16. Yes, I know, try to explain that to a 16 year old. I am 5'6" and at 170, because of the muscle I have, I look good. I weigh 230 right now and look like I weigh about 190. I guess it depends on your body type. Can she not just get bigger uniforms? I mean heaven sake. It's not like she isn't healthy enough to cheer is she? When I was in high school we had a chick on the squad who was pretty chunky but dang she could cheer better than any of them and ended up being Captain her senior year. It sounds like maybe she has some serious outside influences that have to do with her self image. Life isn't all about the outside image. Skinny doesn't equal healthy either. As long as she eats healthy and you said she has been exercising (hopefully not obsessively) her weight shouldn't matter. She's not morbidly obese, just slightly overweight for her height and if people can't keep their mouth shut about her gaining a few pounds then what snobs!! Maybe she needs some better people to hang around with. If she has real friends they will understand what she is going through thick or thin..excuse the pun. It sounds like you are a really supportive mom and she is blessed to have you. I hope she has a few good friends she can trust as well. She is going to need them.
I have been thinking along the same lines, Bridgey and I have to add that I have seen photos of Bridgey.. it is hard to believe her weight when you see her photos at 190...
When I was in high school I was on the cheering squad too until I was kicked off for breaking one of the rules... it seems that riding the football bus was simply the greatest sin of all time but the game was seven hours from home and the station wagon left without four of us...were we supposed to walk????
I think that at 5'6" and less than ninety pounds I looked worse than your daughter would at 170 unless she is sloppy, based on the program she follows as described, I doubt very much that she is that...
I was so grateful for the Aran-knit turtlenecks and the tartan pleated skirts and even then it didn't sink in that perhaps I needed help and that I had an eating disorder...
eating disorders didn't exist then...
I remember gaining a few pounds and panicking...
so I can sympathise on many levels with your daughter...
yes the teen peer group is brutal...
and yes the teen self is more brutal...
but she needs to remember and to learn that she has to accept herself..
if she has self esteem people will accept her as is where is and when is...the captain of our cheering squad was almost six feet tall and this in an society in which most of the girls were 5'4" or less...
she was beautiful and she knew it and so did they. Everyone wanted to be Morag...
Another of our Cheerleaders was severely crippled... she walked with a sort of hunched over style... yet she was accepted as a cheerleader and she was one of the most popular girls in school right up there with Morag and the rest...
If your daughter accepts herself as she works on this problem and holds her head up and has fun the rest will want to be with her..
they will want to BE her...
I know... I learned it... and lived it...and another problem is to make sure the weight loss doesn't go too far....
I know, you didn't need that now...
my husband keeps reminding me how thin I was when he met me... and he worries that I am going to obsess about weight again...
keeps telling people that he thinks this has gone far enough...
well I don't want to be the ninety-pound scrawny person again EVER
I see my school photos and wonder how on earth no one noticed...
but I would like to lose a few more...
and then it is a matter of holding the line...kat
Posted by iris2 on October 3, 2004, at 20:02:48
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on October 3, 2004, at 16:15:33
I see a trend here. It seems that many of us think that this teen has to work on self image and not worry so much about her weight. I am not there observing first hand but for those of us that have exerienced eating disorders first hand it appears that some of us think the implications of stressing this little extra weight instead of real life issues like self esteem is not the correct treatment for either an overweight person and/or a person with eating disorder problems.
If she really has an eating disorder loosing all the weight in the world will not make her happy or have a good body image.
I have not heard of taking Topamax as a first defense against eating disorders. But then again I am an old timer and have not kept up with eating disorder treatments.
What does anyone else think?
I have seen my best friend run her teen to a pdoc she knew would provide meds for her because she decided her daughter had ADHD only after seeing a pamphlet for Strattera in the pdocs office. My friend did not like this pdoc but took her daughter there anyway because she new she would just give her meds without any treatment or evaluation and she did. My friend used to think her daughter had OCD. I talked her out of that one. The girl seems to have some problems but they involve attention getting mostly as I have observed. She was supposed to take her to a therapist after the pdoc for eveluation but decided she did not want to. She takes medication for everything herself. As a kid I thought if something is wrong just go to the doctor(God) and it will be fixed. As we grow up we see that "God" cannot cure what ails us a lot of the time so we had better take care of what we have as best we can. Some people take medicine so lightly. Medicines are poisons to our systems. For all the good some of them do they all do some harm. People need to remember this and not take drugs so lightly. If I could find a way to not be so depressed and function without meds believe me I would. God knows all the medications I have taken and what the long term effects on my liver and the rest of my body are!
Irene
Sorry about the rambling but this hit me so close to home because of my friend and her attitude about taking drugs.
irene
Posted by headachequeen on October 3, 2004, at 23:11:24
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » headachequeen, posted by iris2 on October 3, 2004, at 20:02:48
> I see a trend here. It seems that many of us think that this teen has to work on self image and not worry so much about her weight.
This gal is going to worry about her weight no matter what... believe me I know... been there and done that...
so the topomax and counselling together will help...
but I am trying to suggest that helping her work on self esteem will help too...found that out eventually..
she seems a strong candidate for finding it out herself...
if she can make the cheering squad and is five-six and 170 and athletic and active she is not morbidly obese so well on her way to success...
she needs solid encouragement and positive support and that seems to be there...
now Mom needs positive support too...
that I hope she will find here...
heaven knows when I hit 170 at five six a while back I thought I looked pretty good after too long being too much more than that... and people thought so too...
kept telling me to stop losing weight LOLshe will get there and Mom, you will get through this...
the topomax will curb the binging...
bet she has lost interest in chocolate for starters...
kat
Posted by stressed on October 4, 2004, at 8:18:23
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » iris2, posted by headachequeen on October 3, 2004, at 23:11:24
I think my daughter may be begining to feel the effects, but I'm not sure. She asked me today if I would help her with some sort of a diet. I told her to decide what she wants to do and let me know. I'm really leary about this part, because I don't want her to backslide and feel anxiety about this. I know the physy. is working with her on self-esteem and trying to find out why she is binging. I am a controlling mother, and am trying to make myself stay out of this issue. (That's why I am asking everyone here, Ha) That could be a key to this binging. I will have to talk to him about her suggestion before I go on with this. As far as chocolate, she still loves it. How can she not with parents like us!!! She did say a diet coke didn't taste all that good Sat. night. Thanks so much for you support, God know I need it. I have never ever used a message board, and am learning how to do it. I think I am becoming addicted to this......just like fountain cokes. The real old fashioned thing with the soda water and syrup. Have a safe day everyone!!
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 10:44:18
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » iris2, posted by headachequeen on October 3, 2004, at 23:11:24
With the Topomax food never tasted funny to me like some people have mentioned. I just haven't wanted to eat. Now that could also be because I have been on Atkins and it just makes me not hungry so I am not sure. I have to make myself eat because I just flat out forget. Still the key is WATER WATER WATER. You just have to drink it with Topomax. For her kidney's sake whether she likes the taste or not. I had to learn to like it when I was on a diet in high school and now it's what I mostly drink. I drink more than 8 glasses a day though and I think that myth has been busted anyway. Of course, what USED to be good for us isn't, and what used to be bad for us isn't, so it's a wonder we haven't become extinct! I just make it a habit to use the real stuff. If I go out, I am going to eat REAL salad dressing and REAL butter. The fake stuff has more sugar in it anyway and my body metabolizes fat better than sugar. Popcorn is a good snack btw. I actually prefer the snack size with the real butter and salt. It may add some calories, but what good is a snack if you really don't enjoy eating it!! I went for my annual OB/GYN appmt today! WHEE!! The Dr said my weight hadn't changed since last year but then I told him what had happened with taking the Effexor. Gained 20lbs coming off of it. Don't know why..maybe another redhead thing. Then gained 10 more from the stupid steroid the PA gave me for my bronchitis. Should have known better!!! So he was impressed that I had lost it since last year. Another thing to beware. Sometimes people's body's treat diet drinks like the real thing. I know mine does. It slows my weight loss down considerably. I try not to drink many. Once again..might be a redhead thing...Man are we doomed or what!!
Posted by Aussie on October 4, 2004, at 12:14:47
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 10:44:18
I realise this is not connected, but, why are redheads different? I'm not saying they aren't by the way :)
I'm lonely.
Any advice on how to cope with getting off serzone?
Thanks FDA! Just when everything was fine they decide to ban it.
F____ hell.
Aussie.
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 14:06:36
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by Aussie on October 4, 2004, at 12:14:47
Why are we different...hmm that is a huge post in itself. Well, growing up I always knew I was different than other children. hehe Yes, redheads have tempers. We bleed easier, we need 20% more anesthesia, have a higher pain tolerance, among other things. We react to medicines differently and we metabolize them faster than other hair colors. I am not just making this up. The "redheaded gene" so to speak, was discovered in 1997. Melanocortin 1 is the gene which every color has but ours is defunct. We are essentially mutants. And because of that defunct gene, it affects everything else. This is a simple way of putting it. If you have ever known any redheads, ask them and you will find a lot of similarities (besides the temper..that's a given!!). I have always had to use 4 Advil for pain for EVERYTHING. My son was born in 97' and I had to have a c-section...guess what happened. My epidural ran out right when they were getting ready to cut me open! By the time my daughter came along in 2001, I knew about the study and I mentioned it to my anethesiologist. I told him flat out I needed more juice because of my hair color (IT IS NATURAL!!) and what happened with my son. He listened! Ahhh...no worries mate! Of course, I had the also horrid side effect of itching my nose off from the spinal afterwards......AAAAHH!!! GIVE ME PAIN!!! I CAN'T TAKE ITCHING!! So...in a nutshell that is why we redheads are different. Just put redhead into your browser and take a look. It's very facinating. You'll never look at us the same again! :)
Posted by headachequeen on October 4, 2004, at 14:38:09
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 14:06:36
> Why are we different...hmm that is a huge post in itself. Well, growing up I always knew I was different than other children. hehe Yes, redheads have tempers. We bleed easier, we need 20% more anesthesia, have a higher pain tolerance, among other things. We react to medicines differently and we metabolize them faster than other hair colors. I am not just making this up. The "redheaded gene" so to speak, was discovered in 1997.
Well, here I am again, ready to argue... another redhead trait <G>
first, redheads experience pain much more intensely than do other hair-colours... as has been made public following a recent study... shall find the info and send it along... it is in the study downstairs... pinned to the bulletin board along with reams of material on redheads...
believe me they wasted vast sums of money and oodles of money on the study-- I could have told them... I need morphine for a hangnail... pain and I do not get along... my three children were born naturally because my doctor did not believe in any sort of birth other than natural at the time the first was coming along... he changed his tune in a hurry and told me that he would never put ANY redhead through that again (I was his first pregnant redhead and I heard him stating to one of the nurses that he would avoid ever having a pregnant redheaded patient again if at all possible he had not realised how dreadful it could be... birth is supposed to be a wonderful thing he kept telling me, don't know where he got that idea...)
the next two babies were born before he could get to the hospital to intervene and the one was born with a nurse in charge who was trained during the Spanish Inquisition and believed that birth was meant to be painful... it was ... my third was a child who decided she did not want to be born when she was supposed to be born and waited for almost six weeks, a redheaded thing.. then when she was born it was NOW, no time for intervention at all... she is still stubborn and she is redheaded... so is her brother, the middle child...secondly the redheaded gene as you describe is not all that newly known...
since I was very young the differences in our genetic make-up has been known and documented...surgeons were always told never to turn their backs on redheaded patients -- they would be the ones to develop post-op infections that were really difficult to treat and they would be the ones with major bleeding problems...
I have had five abdominal surgeries and in each instance despite the watchful eye of surgeon and residents and nursing staff and the administration of antibiotics beginning before the surgery, I have developed massive infections, one which took almost a year to eliminate...
got rid of that and a puncture wound to my hand developed into cellulitis in four days... that turned into gangrene and almost went to amputation
had some skilled doctors involved and a determined physiotherapist and I have 85% usage of that hand now...
for a period of time every November we went through a repeat... November was gangrene month around the old homestead...
it was such a fun thing to look forward to...just another redhead thing...
Eye surgery this year, had a few procedures done and each time the bleeding caused the surgeon to wish I were anything but a redhead... each time he would mutter that there was no doubting that my hair colour was genuine -- and I think there may have been a few other words under his breath that I was not meant to hear...
In my teens nosebleeds were a constant because my blood did not have a clotting factor that other people have... while other kids drank soft drinks and milk, to which I am allergic -- read recently that we have more allergies too, have you heard that, Bridgey???-- I downed gallons of liquid calcium supplements to try and make my blood thicker or whatever it was supposed to do...
as for anaesthesia... that is so much fun... I almost always wake up before they are through with the procedure... only thrice do I remember sleeping through the whole thing, and on those times I woke up in my room, having missed recovery entirely.
In two of those instances I had an older more experienced anaesthetist who knew about redheads and was not going to let me get the better of him as he put it.. and he told me this in the operating room...
The third time I woke up in ICU with the surgeon standing beside me waiting and watching... a forty-five minute procedure had turned into a seven-hour endurance test as he called it and part of that was because of the redhead factor and part because the previous surgeon had made some rather glaring mistakes, dear soul that he is...Mosquito bites, bee stings, splinters, small cuts... the least thing can turn to raging infection... the redhead thing...
Pain is a raging sensation when it takes hold although once we are accustomed to a certain pain we are able to withstand it longer and easier than others...
did I mention that redheads are not always sensible about things...kat
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 15:37:18
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on October 4, 2004, at 14:38:09
It's interesting, the pain thing. I think it's one pole or the other. I have a very high tolerance to pain, whereas I know several other redheads who cannot tolerate much pain. Now, I feel pain before most people, I just tend to tolerate it for much longer. Hence my back pain for many years and my Dr not able to do anything really about it so I pretty much gave up and decided to live with it. My CHIRO was the one who finally fixed my lower back. It still hurts but I think that is because it is adjusting to it actually being in the right place. Different kind of pain. Yeah anyone in the medical field has know we were different for many years but the gene was only discovered in 1997. Until then it hadn't been pin pointed exactly HOW we were different genetically. My mom is a dental hygienist and she knows to be careful with redheads because we bleed easy. Of course, that doesn't keep her from wreaking havoc on my mouth when she cleans my teeth. She just says..Stop acting like a baby! And I have a high pain tolerance!!! I just tell her I hope she treats her other patients more gently!! My mom told the Dr that did my tonsilectomy about redheads when he did a newer surgery on me...I don't think he believed her. Well, he should have! I woke up that Sunday morning with blood pouring out of my mouth and nose. I ended up passing out in the bathroom at the ER and had to crawl back to the bed. They WERE going to send me home! But my mom said...OH NO YOU DON'T! And they readmitted me. Good call...thanks Mom!! She said...I TOLD YOU SO!! I think that changed his tune about redheads! hehe
Posted by Aussie on October 4, 2004, at 16:39:13
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 15:37:18
Wow.
That's amazing and interesting. I had no idea.
Dr. Bob must not be watching. I've thought he would cut me off before now. But hey, Dr. Bob I think this has relevance as we are sharing about genetic factors that influence how we react to the drugs we are taking. Usually we just talk about environmental factors. To continue along the vein of genetics AND the environment: Both my parents are on psyc. prescribed drugs, no wonder I am too. The weird thing of it is I didn't need anything until I hit my 40s. Perhaps that's the environment. I think I need to go back to Australia..............
:) Aussie.
Posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 11:11:34
In reply to I'm taking advice from all » headachequeen, posted by stressed on October 4, 2004, at 8:18:23
I think you are doing excellent on the message board. I have been doing this on and off for about a year and you are better at it than me!
Kudos to you for admitting you are controlling.
Even realizing that you are controlling is difficult and hard and then to admit it to us and I do not know who else tells me that you are very caring and sincere in wanting to help your daughter.I was concerned with your posts because you always spoke of your daughters weight so much. It is really not the most important thing here. If she gets better and does not loose a pound that would be a great success. Plenty of us with eating disorders have lost lots of weight; I ended up weighing 56 pound at 5'2" before I started to eat much again. I still looked in the mirror and thought I was fat. Loosing all the weight did nothing for my disease. I am better now. I still always feel like I am overweight. But when I weigh like 120 or so (I never weigh myself) I just tell by how I feel and how my clothes fit I feel pretty good about myself and am not not wanting to go out or embarrassed for others to see me. My body image is still not perfect, but whose is and I definitely make my weight affect my mood and my life way too much. I am not what would be called a great success story. But now so many years later the medical community knows so much more about it all.
I have seen people with eating disorders get overweight while in therapy and they were fine with it because they were not so absorbed in what they weighed. My sister is so overweight yet she is probably happier (not happy) with herself than I and does not let her being overweight stop her from doing anything she wants to in life. Not like me. I am still ill to some degree.
The reason I am so proud of you about talking about being controlling is that you realize or are beginning to that your daughters problem is a family problem she is just the one with the negative symptoms. Sometimes especially if the person is young and living at home the entire family dynamics must change not just your daughter. People do not realize that most of the time an illness like this is an illness of the family not just of the one showing the symptoms. It will be much easier for her to get better and follow her therapy if you and or others in the family make some needed changes too. Please do not take this personally. It is simply a known thing that many psychiatric illnesses or problem children are the "symptom" of problems in a family. I do not mean that your family is irregular or has something very wrong just that the particular mix is causing it to be poisonous for your daughter. Of course she still has to be the one to take most of the responsibility for her getting better.
I myself at 45 sometimes forget this and am still trying to change my parents. Make my mother more active and quit talking about food incessantly. Stop my father from being the control freak he is. Both are caring and well meaning parents. I do not want to seem like I think differently. It is hard to recognize ones "faults" and even harder to change them. That is why I am so proud of you. I am still having problems after umpteen years of therapy recognizing or admitting my faults. I cannot change something I will not admit to can I?
Good luck, I am sure we will speak again,
irene
Posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 11:16:45
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 10:44:18
Just curious what your backround it?
What are you taking Topomax for?
Are you diagnoses with an eating disorder?
Sorry if I am nebbie. Please only answer what you are comfortable with.irene
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 15:04:50
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 11:16:45
I am assuming this was directed at me? No, I don't mind. People can ask me anything. I am bipolar. I just happen to be overweight. I have struggled with my weight my whole life. Looking back, I wasn't a really fat child but people still made fun of me. Maybe because I had red hair it made me a more obvious target. Just looking at pictures I think it was more my face was chubbier than my body actually was so at certain ages I looked fat. Of course when everyone else is a size 4, one looks fat by comparison! In high school I was always a 10/12 sometimes an 8 which isn't fat. And looking at my pics I wasn't. I just felt that way because everyone else was so skinny. I have always been muscular but at the same time had a layer of fat OVER it so I am curvy. So..I hate my arms. :P I do have a nice figure because it's an hourglass so I am perfectly fine with that and I consider myself a beautiful woman as apparently many men who stare at me every day do.:P Just an observation. Right now I am 230 give a few every now and then but am losing so I am ok with my weight. I am not in a rush to lose it right away. I don't feel disgusting or compare myself to skinny women. I have learned even at age 27 that men do not like scrawny women. So when I was a size 12 at age 16, I always attracted older guys. Didn't DATE any..just turned heads. I actually had to ask my husband out because he was too shy to ask me out. :P I guess it's all about attitude. I have seen women who are probably 30 to 40lbs lighter than I am who look heavier than me because they dress frumpy and slump and obviously don't care about the way they look. Regardless if they are gorgeous or not, it's all in the way you present yourself. Guys pick up on self confidence. Ok...HUGE PET PEEVE!! GIRLS WHO SLUMP!!!Girls wear tight shirts so guys will look at their boobs and them slump so guys won't look at their boobs and complain when they stare....WHAT??? How about a modest fitted t-shirt..NOT skin tight and stand up straight...your spine and lungs will thank you! When I went to my chiropractor for him to fix my lower back he said I had slight scoliosis and said it should have been worse than it was. I told him I was a singer and instrumentalist and that I have never slouched or slumped and he said that was the reason. If I had slumped over like some of the girls now I would probably have been a lot worse off than I am now. Ok I'll get down off my soapbox about that now :P To the mom who admitted she's controlling..that's hard to do. I still think you care a lot, you just have to know when to back off. Since you are a fitness instructor..I think that is what you said, do you think you have had a hand in your daughters self image problem? I'm not accusing by any means. Sometimes things happen indirectly. I personally don't believe in "normal" families. I don't think there is such a thing. Every family has it's share of problems. Every family is dysfuntional in some way and I think that so often people are so ashamed of things that if they were open with, they would be able to get so much more support for. I don't mind telling people that I am bipolar. I don't do it for sympathy or shock value and I REALLY don't open a conversation with it but if something comes up, I mention it. For some people who have known me for a long time, it's like a light bulb has gone off, like...Oh ok..that makes sense. For others, they had no idea, because they had only seen the hyper, manic, talkative side of me. Never the depressed side. Since I am bipolar II, I don't go on massive shopping sprees and think I am superhuman. I just get hyper and talkative. Also, I tend to be irritable and impatient to my husband and children. With the Topomax it helps my "mania" more so than my depression. If I know my depression triggers though, I can avoid them and not fall into a depression. I also use Ativan occasionally when I feel an anxiety attack coming on. WEll...I have written enough!
Posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 15:14:21
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 11:16:45
Hi everyone, No, I don't think any of your are nosey. I'm not taking anything the wrong way, you see, I am queen of having things come out of my mouth the wrong way! We do know we all need therapy, and are seeking it. It just can't come fast enough. Thank so much for the help. :)
Posted by headachequeen on October 5, 2004, at 15:42:29
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 15:04:50
Oh, Bridgey, you are incredible... and such a special person... we are so fortunate to have you here...
I was not certain to whom the question was addressed and thought it might be you <gg>
Then I began to wonder if Topomax might be a med developed to battle that 'redhead thing" LOLI too have a weight problem... have been at both ends of the spectrum so to speak... as a teen I was anorexic, before anyone knew there was such a word, and before eating disorders had been discovered, but then I was battling the redhead gene before it was discovered too <g>..
Somewhere along the road, someone decided I was depressed and that had to be treated... I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, a lot of that exacerbated by the fact that I hate the area in which I live if any one wants my medical opinion, and the new take on SAD is that it is better handled if it is treated year round, so I was put on anti-depressives year round instead of when the symptoms hit... from being thin and anorexic and pathetically in need of a meal in appearance I suddenly became drastically overweight...
thanks to these wonderful meds... they also took away my wish and/or will to do anything which did not help the weight issue...
so we (I use the editorial we from force of habit and because there had to be two people in this body, one person could never be that large) ballooned up to around 209 at one time...
I agree with Bridgey... if one dresses carefully and doesn't slouch around one can manage to look reasonably decent to people around one... I had quite a high profile in the community and my weight was not a problem... but one cannot fool oneself
Why when I was in the nineties I was convinced I was overweight and worried terribly about my weight and would not eat... self image and self esteem are frightfully intertwined...At one point with careful dieting I made it back down to 140... and stayed there for a couple of years...but back it came... thanks to another round of medications... it seemed to be hopeless... and that created a genuine depression...
people would tell me I had nothing to be unhappy about... hello! Who is unhappy?? there is no connection and no similarity. One can be happy and be depressed all at the same time...eventually someone realised that some of the symptoms that had been classed as being depression were actually linked to the epilepsy and my doctor decided it was time to deal with it... my previous doctor didn't want to deal with it because there was such a stigma involved with epilepsy...
When I mentioned migraine to the neurologist he put me on Topomax... never had a migraine since and I am ecstatic... and I have lost so much weight... wish I could lose more... and maybe I will... but I am happy with the weight loss to date...
and while I learned to live with myself, that self image projection Bridgey speaks of, I am better able to live with me today...as for normal families...
my psychologist forbids the use of the word normal in any discussion. He says that there is really no means of assessing normal, there is no measuring stick so to speak. What is normal for one person is abnormal for the next.
Television has created such an abnormal image of the so-called normal family that we are all trying too hard to measure ourselves against them...
starting way back with Father Knows Best then there was The Brady Bunch and remember that one with Brian Keith and the gentleman's gentleman and the teen-age niece and the twins? and My Three Sons?? Life was always neat and tidy and perfect...
but they had script-writers, live-in house-keepers, and never had to live permanently with their 'families' or their 'problems'. There was a perfectly neat, up-to-date home in the suburbs or in a high-rise apartment with all the latest everything to make life easy. With script writers to solve every problem and give Mom and Dad the wisdom of Solomon, dysfunctional families were unheard of on television, but children growing up with television saw these 'families' and thought this was 'normal'. They wanted to live like this. To achieve the standard of living depicted on television and in the movies, both parents had to work, if both parents were still in the home. Family life deteriorated in a hurry.
Normal family life now is something different for each family as people struggle to keep families intact.
As for controlling mothers, the controlling mother of all time lives in my house. I have met her and I am she. I learned from a great example and I have refined the skills until I have it down to an art.
Then again, our ethnic background is that of a matriarchal society, so it is to be expected. The other day I heard that my daughter's mother-in-law wanted their unborn baby to be named for the m-i-l's side of the family. Not a chance. I explained to my son-in-law that like his father-in-law and his f-i-l's f-i-l before him, he married into this family; she did not marry into their family. We do not change for outsiders; they change for us. He looked at me and grinned and said that he had noticed that and it didn't bother him one bit...
and it only took him two years to figure it out...
controlling??? I am the master of it
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 5, 2004, at 15:44:58
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 15:14:21
> Hi everyone, No, I don't think any of your are nosey. I'm not taking anything the wrong way, you see, I am queen of having things come out of my mouth the wrong way! We do know we all need therapy, and are seeking it. It just can't come fast enough. Thank so much for the help. :)
What? You mean this isn't therapy???
Here I thought I was finding some of the best therapy ever...
kat
Posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 19:37:08
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » stressed, posted by headachequeen on October 5, 2004, at 15:44:58
You are so right, I do need to back off at times. I'm trying to do that, but this little voice inside my head just keeps my mouth going. Trying to control everyone around me. My husband is very passive, and quiet, so we get along really well. My son is also just like his dad, and gets along with everyone. My daughter and I are just alike. What do you think of that?...... Are there any families that don't have problems? You know, I look at people and think they have it all together, but it seems everyone has an issue of some sort. How did you all find out you are bi-polar? (If you don't mind my asking) Unfortunatly I am not a redhead. I have tried several times, but the red won't stay in my hair. It fades away, and then there it is......that dirty blond with highlights. You girls are quite lucky. I also live in an area with seasonal changes, and it really does get depressing in the fall. Those dreary days. My daughter says she is really depressed, and I'm thinking its the topamax. She is taking Welbutrin as well, do you think that will help? By-the-way, you ARE therapy, and I thank God I found all of you here.
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 20:44:42
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 19:37:08
I realized that all the antidepressants weren't working and went to my Dr demanding that something ELSE was wrong! He suggested I might be bipolar and set up a session with a psycho to evaluate me officially. In the meanwhile I went online and took several unoffical tests and came to the same conclusion. At first the psych didn't think I was, but I said...I think I am...guess who was right! He changed his mind after the tests came back. They are only more or less survey's. There aren't any blood tests ...THANK GOD! Not a fan of needles. So you can go online and take some tests to get an idea if you suspect so. Yes red is the ultimate hard color to imitate because of the color. It fades very easily. Husband needs puter...talking like caveman...type later...ugh...
Posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 21:00:05
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 15:04:50
Thanks,
just read some of your posts and sometimes I wonder were someone is coming from.
irene
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