Posted by Meatwood_Flack on March 10, 2013, at 9:49:19
In reply to I never had the intention to kill myself, posted by Phil on March 9, 2013, at 10:28:55
I think Phillipa may be onto something, aside from her nursing history. First, you said that killing yourself was not your intention. As impulsive as many attempts are, the desire to kill oneself spurs the action. There is, of course, a difference between wanting to die and wanting to stop pain, but you seem to have differentiated between these desires. Secondly, you chose a stairway you knew could not support your weight. Low ceilings or not, had you committed to killing yourself, you would have found a means and location more likely to get it done. Third, you leaned into the cord a few times instead of jumping. Fourth, you called your doctor after what you termed as a "non attempt." You had to know this would result in hospitalization, either voluntary or otherwise. Fifth, you described the resulting inpatient experience as positive. Many do not. The only other possibilities I can think of is either you had been harboring suicidal thoughts and wanted to use the horror of actually trying it to tamp down those desires, you just wanted to see how close to the edge you could get without going over, or you wanted to gradually desensitize yourself to the experience of taking your own life. The last is particularly unlikely if three years have passed since the last 'attempt.' At any rate, your blog nourishes others, so it's a blessing beyond yourself that, for whatever reason, the attempt was unsuccessful.
poster:Meatwood_Flack
thread:1039927
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130223/msgs/1039976.html