Posted by caraher on August 15, 2006, at 21:27:08
In reply to Re: Not so low :-) but with questions » Dinah, posted by ElaineM on August 15, 2006, at 20:20:56
> I just wonder if I'd be better at it (or if I wouldn't have messed it up, or let it get so twisted) if I had more experience with male T's. Or even men in general.
(((Elaine))) This is not your fault at all. The man is supposed to be a professional, and he's violating the ethics of his profession. Those rules are not contingent on clients having experience with therapists. So perhaps it might have gone better had you come to him with a different set of experiences... but then again, if you already had those experiences you probably wouldn't have been convinced you needed to try working with a male T!
> I mean, I was sent to him on purpose. LadyT picked him to send me to because I was running from all males in the world. I don't want to keep doing that.
That's fine. However, we're saying that *this one* male happens to be your T, and isn't playing fair. You want to learn how to act around men, and what you should be hearing from lots of folks here on Babble is that your current relationship with him looks dangerous. You said you were excessively pliable in past relationships, and here your T is twisting you in knots yet again. You really should take a stand for yourself. He should be your T, or he should be your friend or even lover, or he should be thrown out of your life. The way things are now, he shifts from one role to another at his own whim, and has you feeling as if you owe him something. That's unfair to you.
You really need to work out what you really need from him, and act accordingly. And forget what he "needs" from you. That's a string he uses to make you dance to his tune. I know it runs against your nature, but it will be best for both of you if you can look honestly at what you want and demand from him the respect your decision should command.
poster:caraher
thread:676776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/676882.html