Posted by Tamar on April 18, 2005, at 11:26:02
In reply to Bad session. Lost my safe place! (long), posted by gardenergirl on April 18, 2005, at 9:20:00
Oh dear, what a horrible thing to happen. It sounds as if your T needs a course in basic human sympathy.
> I started off by telling him that I wanted to hold off on making a decision to going twice a week as we had recently been discussing, because I wanted to get my meds straightened out first. No sense changing more than one variable in the treatment picture at one time, I thought.
Do you think he had a problem accepting that? Does he think you shouldn’t be on meds? Might he have thought you were challenging his professional judgment? Of course, you have every right to do just that but some professionals are sensitive about it.
> Then I went on to talk about what was bothering me that week...which he pretty much blew off. Not like him at all. Tried to keep talking, and he seemed to get frustrated, because he kept interrupting me. He's been doing this more and more over the last few weeks. It's so annoying, especially because he admits he's interrupting!
Well, that sounds like a countertransference reaction to me. Have you tried asking him if there’s something in the content of what you’re saying that he finds problematic or frustrating? I can’t think of any other reason why he’d want to impose his own vocabulary, phraseology or even ideas on you. Or is he trying to rush you? The fact is, even if he *did* know what you wanted to say, he should listen quietly: *you* need to say it, not hear him say it. And since he doesn’t read minds, why should he superimpose his own thoughts onto your feelings?
> We got back to symptoms and such, and he told me no wonder I was feeling so yucky--I have clinical depression. For some reason, hearing him say this kind of hurt. Other times in the past when I had a recurrence and he recognized it, it was a validation.
That bit activated my transference-dar. I used to feel impossibly hurt sometimes when my T would state simple obvious facts.
> Tried to get back into the session, but he finally stopped and said that I had to make a choice (felt like ultimatum to me). Is my depression medical or psychological? If it's medical, he "can't help me." Can you believe he would say that in the same session that he would acknowledge that I'm doing worse?
Exactly how are you supposed to choose (can you hear my indignance)? If you had the luxury of choice, presumably you’d choose not to be depressed at all! And where’s the evidence to support his claim that he can’t help you if it’s medical? All the evidence I’ve seen suggests that therapy is useful to anyone who is depressed. (Have I been reading the wrong books?)
> And to top it all off, at the end, when I literally was standing up and getting ready to walk out, he asked, "You aren't suicidal, are you?" Sheesh, what if the answer had been yes?
Quite. Does he suppose that’s your p-doc’s responsibility? I had the impression that he’s a bit ambivalent about your meds.
> I so feel like he kicked me when I was already down. And I can't quite believe the emotions. Friday I was barely functional. Saturday was a bit better, but when I was getting my massage, I couldn't relax at all, and couldn't stop thinking about it. What a waste of money. I honestly considered cancelling my remaining appointments.
(((((Gardenergirl)))))
> I just can't believe that he could and did hurt me like this. I can't imagine how therapy can ever feel safe again. I am also just so darned angry. I go back and forth from sobbing to just wanting to quit to wanting to tell him off.
I know it will be hard, but I suspect you need to talk to him about all this. Do you have an appointment to see him this week? If you feel this has been going on for a while (especially the interrupting part) then no wonder you feel you’re losing the safety of therapy. If he’s saying too much, how can he expect to hear you? He seems to be trying to indicate that you’re not playing your role effectively in therapy, but in fact you seem to feel that he’s preventing you from doing what you need to do. And surely that needs to be discussed.
I hope the end of the rollercoaster line comes into view soon and that you find a way to keep on top of the emotions. Take care of yourself.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:485802
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/485887.html