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Re: Adderall vs cocaine?

Posted by B2chica on April 4, 2021, at 3:19:48

In reply to Re: Adderall vs cocaine?, posted by undopaminergic on March 9, 2021, at 1:15:04

I am not looking to get high, or find euphoria... I want to be more than the lifeless worthless member of the living dead that I have become. The Adderall allows my brain to realize all the things I need to do, get them organized... and thats where it stops. The idea of Initiating Anything overwhelms and exhausts me... so I cry snd push it all away. I need to function so that Im not dwelling in my own fecal lifestyle Ive created. Rarely shower, dont leave the house. Doing laundry takes me days... literally, yo put them away. I dont cook anymore and just thinking about it makes me confused overwhelmed and I cry. I cant find my glasses (for the 15th time that day) I cry.
Get a letter in the mail I need to respond to, I put it away snd cry. Having to call to make a doc appt for kids, overwhelming, put it off... snd cry because I put it off. Then cry because I have to call...
I rarely vacuum and with a long haired dog.... I cry. Dishes always piled up... I avoid the kitchen... then I cry about it.

I want to take all my pills and wash them down with some really horrid cocktail. But I dont... I know too well the horrors and painful confusion that leaves the family of a suicide...
but it is daily now.
Each breath is filled with extraordinary pain, thinking of even another day. Yet I continue to breathe, one more breath, then another. My day is filled with pointless destractions.
I think the only thing truly stopping me is my complete fear of failure and my assurance that it would be incomplete. A f*ked job that renders me nothing but a mutilated, cognitively blunted, drooling, pissing meat sack that lives only because our medical advances and those desired to do good..

I cant make an appt with Pdoc, but I need him desperately. The staff has been seemingly putting me on some sh*t list... as when I can to ask a question I havee eeeeeeee to constantly call back for days to get response... my last call I just needed a Rx that my doc new or was hoping Id find... yet when I called, itt took TWO weeks, and SIX... phone calls to the office inquiring about it.. its always that same. Condescending tones, I wont get to detailed but I was on a horrible med, and guy woildngg TV take me off it, I was getting little blisters like, on my lips, I mentioned it to the nurse there so that she could at Least relay that to PA.... her comment was try some chapstick honey.... after some gut wrenching pain, i went to GP. I had a Severe UTI affecting kidney, the bubble lips were from severe dehydration..,

I hate what Ive become.. a total waste. Was born a waste, I was wasted on others, I had joy in bringing life to this earth, But that light is growing dark... I am incapable of getting or maintaining any kind of job I am not looking to get high, or find euphoria... I want to be more than the lifeless worthless member of the living dead that I have become. The Adderall allows my brain to realize all the things I need to do, get them organized... and thats where it stops. The idea of Initiating Anything overwhelms and exhausts me... so I cry snd push it all away. I need to function so that Im not dwelling in my own fecal lifestyle Ive created. Rarely shower, dont leave the house. Doing laundry takes me days... literally, yo put them away. I dont cook anymore and just thinking about it makes me confused overwhelmed and I cry. I cant find my glasses (for the 15th time that day) I cry.
Get a letter in the mail I need to respond to, I put it away snd cry. Having to call to make a doc appt for kids, overwhelming, put it off... snd cry because I put it off. Then cry because I have to call...
I rarely vacuum and with a long haired dog.... I cry. Dishes always piled up... I avoid the kitchen... then I cry about it.

I want to take all my pills and wash them down with some really horrid cocktail. But I dont... I know too well the horrors and painful confusion that leaves the family of a suicide...
but it is daily now.
Each breath is filled with extraordinary pain, thinking of even another day. Yet I continue to breathe, one more breath, then another. My day is filled with pointless destractions.
I think the only thing truly stopping me is my complete fear of failure and my assurance that it would be incomplete. A f*ked job that renders me nothing but a mutilated, cognitively blunted, drooling, pissing meat sack that lives only because our medical advances and those desired to do good..

I cant make an appt with Pdoc, but I need him desperately. The staff has been seemingly putting me on some sh*t list... as when I can to ask a question I havee eeeeeeee to constantly call back for days to get response... my last call I just needed a Rx that my doc new or was hoping Id find... yet when I called, itt TV took two weeks, and 6 phone calls to the office inquiring about it.. its always that same now. I cant initiate even leaving my bed in the morning .

I am not looking to get high, or find euphoria... I want to be more than the lifeless worthless member of the living dead that I have become. The Adderall allows my brain to realize all the things I need to do, get them organized... and thats where it stops. The idea of Initiating Anything overwhelms and exhausts me... so I cry snd push it all away. I need to function so that Im not dwelling in my own fecal lifestyle Ive created. Rarely shower, dont leave the house. Doing laundry takes me days... literally, yo put them away. I dont cook anymore and just thinking about it makes me confused overwhelmed and I cry. I cant find my glasses (for the 15th time that day) I cry.
Get a letter in the mail I need to respond to, I put it away snd cry. Having to call to make a doc appt for kids, overwhelming, put it off... snd cry because I put it off. Then cry because I have to call...
I rarely vacuum and with a long haired dog.... I cry. Dishes always piled up... I avoid the kitchen... then I cry about


I want to take all my pills and wash them down with some
Each breath is filled with extraordinary pain, thinking of even another day. Yet I continue to breathe, one more breath, then another. My day is filled with pointless destractions.
I think the only thing truly stopping me is my complete fear of failure and my assurance that it would be incomplete. A f*ked job that renders me nothing but a mutilated, cognitively blunted, drooling, pissing meat sack that lives only because our medical advances and those desired to do good..

I cant make an appt with Pdoc, but I need him desperately. The staff has been seemingly putting me on some sh*t list... as when I can to ask a question I havee eeeeeeee to constantly call back for days to get response... my last call I just needed a Rx that my doc new or was hoping Id find... yet when I called, itt TV took two weeks, and 6 phone calls to the office inquiring about it.. its always like that.
The last time I was there I was on Horrid med y to hat pa wouldnt take me off, and I was telling the nurse how horrible horribley dry my lips have been, even getting little blisters, snd if they could at least tell the PA that? The nurse comment was have you tried chapstick hon? Finally after some excruciating pain I went to GP. I had a severe ITIZ that spread to the kidney? I think, and the bubbling on the lips was due to Severd dehydration... which also caused the UTI .

Thank you for listening.. Im going to finish my drink, remember better days. And attempt to breathe oxygen into this lethargic, apathetic, misanthrope Ive become.
I hope everyone here see beauty in tomorrow.
- Listless b2



"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
Ana´s Nin


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:B2chica thread:1114007
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20210120/msgs/1114412.html