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Re: 'Stable Self' an illussion. sigismund

Posted by jay2112 on November 16, 2020, at 17:38:36

In reply to Re: 'Stable Self' an illussion. jay2112, posted by sigismund on November 15, 2020, at 20:10:27

> >I think my power consumption of antidepressants is what built my 'perfect storm' setting for my psychosis.
>
> Very interesting, Jay. Would you like to say more about that?

Hey thanx...ya sure. I was diagnosed with BP2 years ago, after a way too high dose of Paxil. But, I found the then mood-stabilizers, especially
Depakote/Epival, very sorely lacking. And lithium, especially in the dose given me, just made me feel like I was in a constant panic attack. I have BP2 with agoraphobia and horrid anxiety. Yes, I am one messed up man..lol. So, long story short, I made it my mission to try almost every antidepressant out there, and my pdoc agreed, as he had trust in me.

So, in 2013-2014, I lost both my parents, was out of a job, and had little options but disability. During my parent's deaths, I was crushed, and cranked on the antidepressants, looking for relief, only this time I ended up in the ER, and I was terrified, certain they were going to kill me. They then gave me a nice dose of risperdal by injection, and a small amount of haldol. That was when I *really* discovered relief. I got a prescription for the risperdal, and I slept like a baby. But, my depression and my very intense ADD problem (I had a ton of developmental disorders as a child, way back in the 1970's, before Ritalin..I couldn't focus to do Math, Reading comprehension, Spelling..) were still not addressed. The ADD led to many social and work problems...I got fired so many times because I was considered 'lazy', and couldn't focus to do basic tasks. Soooo..my pdoc but me on a low dose of Dexedrine, then almost identical, Vyvanse..carefully monitoring for psychosis. Stimulants seem more tolerable than antidepressants...oddly enough. But, the synergistic balance of Risperdal, plus now Latuda, and Vyvanse, keep me even keel. (Oh, and Lyrica for generalized anxiety). Weird, huh? lol.

But, I have a great pdoc, who strongly believes symptom refief, rather than diagnosis, is most important..thank Gawd!!

So, not sure is that answers your question...I know I extrapolate on many things..but, that is my story. I strongly hope it can give other's hope. (Oh, I also do outreach work in the community with other's with addiction and mental health issues...and that has really, really lifted me as well, out of myself, and my despair.) And...I am also on Suboxone.

Jay


I was brought up to believe..
Belief that's failed me now
As Life goes from bad to worse
No philosophy consoles me
In a clockwork universe..........
~Neil Peart (1952-2020)


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poster:jay2112 thread:1112510
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20201025/msgs/1112586.html