Posted by floatingbridge on July 5, 2011, at 0:01:51
In reply to Re: Encouragement - Emsam, posted by lepus on July 4, 2011, at 23:08:35
Hey Lepus,
I'm gonna go to bed, but just wanted to say something after this post. If one more person says to me it's *just* anxiety, I think I'll blow their hair back with a lion roar (then collapse because I have some kinda' cfs type fatigue). Don't let anyone sell you short. I think anxiety burns out support people just as much as any other disorder. I can't *snap out of it*. Fear sucks.
I read a website, maybe the University of Huston, not sure, about their anxiety clinic, and they are like an anxiety
disorder is a very real medical condition that can wreck lives. It is amendable to all sorts of treatment. It may never *go
away* but it can get better. That is my hope now. If not this clinic, I am going to keep going. I have had so many clinic and specialist hopes, that I think I am walking the line between hope and curiosity (that's the xanax talking. I was becoming unable to post even).This is the first time in my half century life that I have decent insurance. Otherwise I would not be going. I had to let go of rTMS therapy because insurance didn't cover it.
I will share with you whatever I can. I have no idea what to expect. It could be a rubber stamp and a trip out the revolving door :-/ Just gotta go.
If you are feeling like you cannot go on, that sounds depressed. Depression can lift with treatment. Did *they* or you put aside the BP dx? That's how I entered psychiatry. My BP was 'soft' or, I guess cyclothymic? I remember that word. I've had dx's of dysthmia, double depression, MDD, social phobia, chronic ptsd. I think that's about it :-)
I think I need cliff notes, too :-/
I'm glad you're calling your doctor tomorrow. I'm extending you some reasonable hope. I feel like with some good treatment, you can feel somewhat better. I don't think nardil is the end of the world. Good lord, scared as I am, if some doctor would help me slowly start, talk me through start up and give me sleep support, I'd do it. I hear you. I am so exhausted and scared and hounded and I just want it to stop.
Do you ever read posts by Jedi? He's really helpful. There alot of folks here with massive anxiety :-/
Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.
fb> I am not 100% certain what my full diagnosis is. My therapist said it is just panic disorder with agoraphobia but I recall another pdoc saying I had MDD. But then another pdoc said I was Bipolar II so who the blank knows.
>
> Suicidal as in I don't really want to die but this has to end somehow and everything I am doing isn't working. I get a hospital bed, it turns into a disaster that is giving me nightmares. I start the Emsam, I wake up with a wicked panic attack that last well into the afternoon (with varying intensity).
>
> I don't know if the Emsam caused the panic attack. I do know I need some stronger benzos.
>
> Current meds are Klonopin 1mg 3 times a day, thyroid med, and then Ativan .5mg as needed. Not much.
>
> I'm afraid if I go up on Klonopin I'll be a zombie. But it is a consideration. However, my dependency on Klonopin is a concern. My doctor thinks it is causing a lot of the brain fog and depression. I have been on it almost 20 years.
>
> What did they mean by addiction? With benzos addiction and dependency are such different beasts. I don't get high off Klonopin but I can't live without it. I'm dependent on it. So your doctor thought you might be developing issues? I remember reading posts about you going off Xanax. Or wait...asking for Nardil made you an addict? Who gets addicted to Nardil? I'm a little lost on what happened to you and could use the Cliff Notes version. I am very sorry you are having such a hard time but also am envious you can go to Stanford for help. Nothing like that exists here. There is one hospital that treats anxiety disorders but it is $25,000 for 30 days. I don't have that money or the right insurance to cover it.
>
> I'm very concerned about me too. I really am now. I don't feel stable. I don't feel hopeful. I don't want to see another day like this. I'm so alone and feel terrible. It is very hard to be optimistic after the hospital fiasco and then after another horrible night/day like today. I don't know what meds are left. Nardil. That is about it. Keep trying with Emsam. I have no hospital support. I'm burning out my therapist. I burnt out my friends. I am burning out my family.
>
> I will call the doctor tomorrow. I just didn't see the point today. It is a holiday and there isn't much she can do right now.
poster:floatingbridge
thread:989991
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110630/msgs/990219.html