Posted by lepus on July 4, 2011, at 23:08:35
In reply to Re: Encouragement - Emsam » Lepus, posted by floatingbridge on July 4, 2011, at 22:19:44
I am not 100% certain what my full diagnosis is. My therapist said it is just panic disorder with agoraphobia but I recall another pdoc saying I had MDD. But then another pdoc said I was Bipolar II so who the blank knows.
Suicidal as in I don't really want to die but this has to end somehow and everything I am doing isn't working. I get a hospital bed, it turns into a disaster that is giving me nightmares. I start the Emsam, I wake up with a wicked panic attack that last well into the afternoon (with varying intensity).
I don't know if the Emsam caused the panic attack. I do know I need some stronger benzos.
Current meds are Klonopin 1mg 3 times a day, thyroid med, and then Ativan .5mg as needed. Not much.
I'm afraid if I go up on Klonopin I'll be a zombie. But it is a consideration. However, my dependency on Klonopin is a concern. My doctor thinks it is causing a lot of the brain fog and depression. I have been on it almost 20 years.
What did they mean by addiction? With benzos addiction and dependency are such different beasts. I don't get high off Klonopin but I can't live without it. I'm dependent on it. So your doctor thought you might be developing issues? I remember reading posts about you going off Xanax. Or wait...asking for Nardil made you an addict? Who gets addicted to Nardil? I'm a little lost on what happened to you and could use the Cliff Notes version. I am very sorry you are having such a hard time but also am envious you can go to Stanford for help. Nothing like that exists here. There is one hospital that treats anxiety disorders but it is $25,000 for 30 days. I don't have that money or the right insurance to cover it.
I'm very concerned about me too. I really am now. I don't feel stable. I don't feel hopeful. I don't want to see another day like this. I'm so alone and feel terrible. It is very hard to be optimistic after the hospital fiasco and then after another horrible night/day like today. I don't know what meds are left. Nardil. That is about it. Keep trying with Emsam. I have no hospital support. I'm burning out my therapist. I burnt out my friends. I am burning out my family.
I will call the doctor tomorrow. I just didn't see the point today. It is a holiday and there isn't much she can do right now.
poster:lepus
thread:989991
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110630/msgs/990216.html