Posted by floatingbridge on July 4, 2011, at 22:19:44
In reply to Re: Encouragement - Emsam, posted by Lepus on July 4, 2011, at 20:52:18
Lepus, what kinda' suicidal? Like maybe it would be better, I am exhausted and scared type thoughts? Thank you for telling me and the board. I am going to have to think a bit.
Besides anxiety and panic, have you or do you have major depression? (God, I hope I don't sound like a dodo.)
Would you be willing to list your current medications and doses?
Hmmm. I am wondering if your benzo of choice is way under dosed. When I was hospitalized about 12 years ago, I was trying to manage everything (anxiety/depression) with a tiny bit of xanax. Like 0.75 for sleep.
Regarding dependcy issues. It was the wierdest thing. You know that old drama rule of thumb that when a gun enters a play it has to go off? I still don't know how I was goaded into such a place, but once soneone said addiction, it was like watching a big macine come and try to eat me up. On a bad day it was like
Kafka. On a good day, more like Beckett. Absurd but unstoppable. It was finally my beleaguered, rationally minded husband (another med-phobe) who had to tell my pdoc that if he was trying to provoke a healing crisis, he was very wrong.Oh boy. I'm going on. But this time
around I barely missed the hospital.So, yeah. I am concerned about you because the non-stop onslaught of predictabley random yet consistent panic and anxiety is harmful and needs to be treated. So please, let's find a way for you, okay? There are answers. That's the despair talking. Write me, and I will gently remind you that relief is very possible for you.
I do not like calling doctors either ever. I think I understand. But maybe it might be worthwhile to call her tomorrow?
If you haven't listed your meds somewhere with doses, that would be
helpful. Even in a new thread if you are comfortable. I'll look for it.I undermedicated for years and that wasn't really good for me. I didn't understand the impact of anxiety to just
wreck my life. Unfortunately, this last go round, my docs try to hand me the 'just anxiety' card, the 'just ptsd' card. I needed 'skills'. After I finally just broke
under all this that dumb ole' pdoc of mine finally said, oh yeah, maybe Nardil is indicated. I sent up all the flares I could and to have the addict card thrown at me really, really hurt. It still does--can you tell? All I wanted was an AD my body could tolerate and sleep.Sorry for the outburst Lepus.
Will you update?
fb
> I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time too and having to go to urgent care.
>
> I think I have been on benzos too long. None of them really destroy the panic like they used to. Is that where you are now or are you having some dependency issues?
>
> My doctor knows I'm suffering. Maybe she doesn't know quite how badly. I'm not sure how to get that across to anyone. The fact that I willingly checked myself into a hospital should be a decent clue. I didn't call her today. It is a holiday and what can she do anyway. I don't think there is anything left to do.
>
> Honestly I'm starting to get suicidal but where do I go? Back to the hospital that victimized me? Forget it. I just can't believe this. I fight and fight and I'm getting nowhere.
poster:floatingbridge
thread:989991
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110630/msgs/990213.html