Posted by Melanie-00 on December 7, 2010, at 13:00:56
I believe that I have suffered from generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) most of my life. Of course, when the stressors in my life get worse, my anxiety also gets worse, and now is one of those times. But the anxiety never really goes away.
To make a long story short, I am feeling a bit desperate. I would really, really LOVE to find a long-term solution for my anxiety. (Right now, while I nominally have medical insurance, my insurance is in a totally different state from where I live (long story), so it is for all intents and purposes like I don't have insurance at all except for emergencies.) Given my lack of access to mainstream health care (I expect this situation to stay the same for at least a year), if I could find an alternative solution for my anxiety disorder, that would be fantastic!
In the short term, I need to get my anxiety under control. I am not functioning at all well in my work. I am avoiding things that stress me out, which is just making it worse.
I have a short history with benzos. A few years ago, during one of my attempts to get treatment for my anxiety, I was prescribed 30 klonopin pills (0.5 mg). I hesitated to take the klonopin at first due to concern about it "messing up my brain" but I was desperate then, too, so I finally did take it.
Wow! What a change! I felt so much better. I was able to have a much better outlook on my problems. It kind of felt like the calm, contented person I was meant to be had finally been revealed. But I couldn't access that person without the drug. I was taking about 1 pill a day, occasionally 2 pills. However, when I got the prescription, my doctor either failed to inform me, or I failed to understand, that it was only a stop-gap solution. So I went in and asked for another prescription, completely expecting to be able to continue long-term, since it was working so well. At this point, my doctor really put up resistance. He reluctantly prescribed me 40 more pills, but made it clear that he wouldn't prescribe any more.
Now at that point in my history, I do not think I had any addiction to the klonopin, although my doctor was already worried about addiction. For example, sometimes, I went several days at a stretch without taking any klonopin pills. And I certainly wasn't needing to take a higher and higher dose. However, I DO think that psychological dependence was already becoming a problem. I did not feel confident that I could handle the worst stresses in my life without the pills. Ironically, this made me slow down my pill intake substantially, since I was really worried about running out. I made those 40 pills last more than a year.
About a year ago, I was very low on klonopin, and even though I was hardly using it at all, I still had that psychological dependence. If I went on a trip or anywhere overnight, I always brought it with me "just in case". I was still very scared of running out. So I went back to my doctor and asked for more, but because I was afraid he would deny me, I told him I wanted it to deal with "fear of flying" (actually, that's not really a problem for me). So, I got 30 more pills.
Sorry, that was a lot of background info ...
At this point (almost a year after filling that last prescription for klonopin), I still have about 20 pills and haven't taken any for months. But still the psychological dependence continues in the sense that I frequently *think* about the option of taking it.
With my increased stress level lately, I have begun to look for alternatives. I feel that I need help getting back on track.
I read about niacinamide being like a benzo drug in its effectiveness. (For more info, please see my post under the alternative board: Niacinamide -not helping- how long to take effect? Melanie-00 12/6/10).
I'm beginning to have my doubts about niacinamide doing anything for me at all. So far, my anxiety has been worse, but this may just be because my stressors are increasing with each day that I don't get my anxiety under control. On the other hand, given the minimal research I could find on niacinamide as anxiety therapy, it really shouldn't surprise me if the whole thing turned out to be a hoax/scam.
Now, I am thinking I should try kava. It seems to be the only herbal remedy for anxiety that has any real research backing it up. (I haven't tried it yet due to concerns about liver toxicity.) But in the meantime, I am wondering if I should go on a short course of benzos (5-10 days) while I wait to see if anything more happens with the niacinamide or while I wait to order kava?
So, advice, thoughts? Thank you in advance for any comments pertaining to my dilemma regarding what to do for short-term and long-term control of my anxiety. I know the ultimate solution is to change my life so that I don't have as much stress, but I just don't see the way to do that right now.
I should also add that I do NOT use alcohol and avoid caffeine as much as possible.
I have never used/abused drugs.
I try to exercise at least 5 days a week by taking a brisk ~3 mile walk.
I have also suffered most of my life from trichotillomania (hair pulling -- in my case, I pull from my eyebrows and eyelashes). For the first time in my life, my trichotillomania seems to be under control thanks to inositol. About 2 months ago, I started taking inositol, builing up to about 17-18 grams/day, and I haven't been pulling my hair at all for several weeks. Inositol seemed to improve my mood as well for a while, but now I feel worse again. I thought that if I could get my trichotillomania under control, maybe I could do the same for my anxiety.
And finally, just to make it clear, I think my issues with klonopin have always been issues with psychological dependence (not physical addiction), if the distinction can be made. And if I start on the klonopin, I really only have those 20 pills, and no more. If I don't make the necessary changes in my life, or find some alternative therapy in the meantime, I will have no more klonopin to fall back on. This worries me.
PS One more thing about klonopin is that in the past it has been great for helping me fall back asleep. I frequently suffer from insomnia. I fall asleep fine, but I wake several hours before I am full rested. I could take half an ambien (sleeping pill), but by that point in the night, sometimes the half-ambien just makes me groggy, or it makes me sleep longer than I really need to. In the past, I have found that klonopin helps me to get those last couple of hours of much needed sleep.
Thanks for your help!
poster:Melanie-00
thread:972844
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101203/msgs/972844.html