Posted by ace on December 5, 2010, at 23:36:02
I'm sure some of you guys/gals know who i am.
I have not posted for a long while and I apologize for the following self-centered post. I have a vast knowledge on almost all psychiatric drugs from my own experience, literature, the data I have gained from other sufferers etc etc Obviously am most knowledgeable about the drug Nardil, and always happy to answer questions (if my anhedonia can at times be overcome). When I am real low I barely have the energy to turn the computer on.I am in a bind.
On the one hand Nardil, now only at doses beyond 75mg, does alleviate (at times, abolish) my depression (and a great extent, anxiety).
However, the very use of this drug causes a moral and ethical dilemma, and their is the issue of weight gain and other s/effects to which i am now most vigilant too.
I truly want to be self-sufficient. By using Nardil I am using an external agent, and negating my own POSSIBLE capacity to overcome these afflictions. We all know here that their is NO evidence of a biological basis of depression. I am not sure if their will ever be due to the inherent individuality (brain biochemistry) in all of us. I am convinced, however, that depression and anxiety, in cases where it greatly impedes ones functioning, and does not respond to psychotherapy (self-administered in my case) is not the function of a healthy brain.
I am concerned that exogenous factors are causing/contributing greatly to my depression and anxiety. But without the Nardil sometimes I have not the energy to bring about a change in these very factors. It's a viscous cycle.
So I'm down to 60mg on Nardil, and the Xanax has to be around 3mg a day. I am still concerned about cognitive dysfunction arising from the use of these, in particular my use of Xanax.A part of me feels like saying 'screw it, use the Nardil, if i need a dependence on it, so be it'
Another part says 'rely on nothing but your self, your functioning/creativity has been "fraudulent", engendered by the use of an external agent.
What do you guys think? Should I just raise the Nardil back up to 105mg (i can drop the Xanax then due to Nardils GABA effect at that dose). I then have the energy to get to the gym and try to offset it a bit.
My professional life is fine. My social life, since a youngster) has greatly suffered due to all this. My passion, my zest for life, my trusting of others (maybe all precipitated by a deep desire to feel loved) has been withering way (as my Nardil dose has been lowered- that should be noted). The way people an speak so ill about you behind your back, the way that you are mocked by because your very nature does not allow you to "fit in" to societal norms. This is not a soliciting for attention/pity (doesn't help)- this is a soliciting for genuine advice and empathy.
I really do appreciate any reply's. Over the years, in so many posts I have said to myself "that is JUST LIKE ME'! We are here are treading a similar ground i feel. One thing is for sure- the vast number of people I have met ( and I have seen a LOT now) with bona-fide psychiatric problems (I know that comment is an affront to one of my aforementioned comments!), are always more deeper, intelligent and empathetic, even if at times they are given to selfishness, dissimilitude, and vices all humans share.
I hope you are ALL well, and never ever give up.
Ace:)
poster:ace
thread:972650
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101203/msgs/972650.html