Posted by Meltingpot on October 21, 2009, at 7:29:43
Hi,
I've been off all antidepressants for about six weeks now (just taking Zyprexa now and again). I keep thinking that tomorrow will be better and then tomorrow I think that the next day will be better but it never is.
The reason I've come off antidepressants is in the hope that maybe if I have a 3 - 6 month drug holiday (each day it's becoming more like 3 months) then maybe if after that I go back on the Seroxat, that it will work again like it did back in 2003 (how sad is that?) I'm trying to get myself back to how I felt in 2003!
I've been functioning ok but I have these horrible symptoms of anxiety, the worst feeling is this constant feeling of pressure in my chest, it's horrible. My main sensation of it is right at the back of my neck. Sometimes I feel like I can hardly walk properly with it and sometimes I feel like wretching with it. It's draining me of all my energy. I know it's just anxiety but to be completely honest I don't care what it is, infact I wish it was a heart attack then at least it would kill me.
I get so sick of these Doctors or so called well meaning people who, when a person complains of feeling anxious, says "oh it's just anxiety" as if that makes it all ok, I mean what's "just" about it! Or when people make suggestions like try some "deep Breathing" "muscle relaxation exercises" or just some "vigorous exercise", none of this works for me! Last night I lay in bed, doing breathing exercises then trying to be mindful by just feeling the sensations but not reacting to them and I still felt like crap today.
I don't even know what it is I'm anxious about. There isn't like a trigger for it or anything it's just always there. Is my subconscious anxious about something that I'm not aware of? When I was well (and med free) back in 2000 and on the occasions when I did have reason to feel anxious I never once felt anyway near as bad as I have done over the last 8 years for no apparent reason.
The Zyprexa does give me some relief from the anxiety but it doesn't relieve this sense of anger either. Again, I don't even know what it is I'm angry about.
Sorry, I just wanted to vent a bit. I am feeling very sorry for myself I guess, I'm tired of living with this condition. I'm tired of feeling all wrong and not knowing why.
Denise
poster:Meltingpot
thread:921775
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091021/msgs/921775.html