Posted by Helena24 on September 23, 2009, at 6:59:31
Hi,I'm reading this forum for the last couple of years and I am thankfull that it exists!
I do not feel very confident about my English but I will try...
I've been struggling all my life with depression and un-diagnosed ADD.
Now I am nearly 32 and I feel my life is pretty screwed up (if that's the correct spelling).
I tried nearly every drug available in my country.
It must have been many dozents different substances.I also obtained Ritalin illegaly a few times and I had a very good reaction to it.
All my symptomes dissapeared within half an hour.
Sadly I had to quit due to high cost and fake sugar pills if you understand...Ritalin is never prescribed in my country...
After 10 years of searching I found a doctor that prescribed Concerta for me but my reaction to it was very bad.
It made me more depressed and zombie-like.
Nothing like Ritalin.Since I got to the conclusion that my problen is due to low dopaminergic function (propably because of my genes/family history of alcoholism/obesity/procrastination), I've been
searching for legal compounds that could enhance
dopaminergic function for the last 12 or so years.I've tried l-dopa,sellegine,
amandatine,moclobemide,mirtrazapine,agomelatine,
st john's wort and others.... of wich only
st john's wort (kira) brought *some* good results.Since my reaction to SSRI were to lower my motivation in a degree that I felt disabled and since I know that serotonine lowers dopaminergic function,I was looking for a copound that was
"anti-serotonergic" and that would indirectly enhance dopamine.During my "investigations" I found tianeptine that I ordered from an online pharmacy for the first time 3 years ago.
TIANEPTINE
From the first day I took it the "working" dose was 6 pills (12,5 mg each)3 times a day.
3 years later I'm still taking this dose,(although somewhat "caotic"),so there has been no "tolerance" in means of needing a higher dose.
It still works good for my depression but the motivation-kick I experienced at the beginning is very much gone.I can't motivate myself for doing a lot of important things and I can't finish my studies at the university...I'm doing nearly nothing all day.
This lines I can only write because of the tianeptine.
Here is the problem: I can only do something productive (for a few hours)if I take 6 (or more pills of tianeptine) and only if I'm interested enough.
I have no income and I hardly can efford this large doses of the med.
I don't feel that there is a serious medical reason to quit taking the drug...it has no side effects at all.But when I quit I experience withdrawal symptoms, myalgia,lack of motivation,only sitting there and doing nothing and lots more...
I did withdraw some weeks ago (I dindn't order in time) and these symptoms last for two weeks or so and then I got back to "baseline"...then there was the package in the mail and...I couldn't resist.
It's a real lose-lose situation.
On the one side the need for large doses of an expensive drug wich doesn't alleviate all of my symptoms,only makes my depression somewhat bearable but doesn't restore my functioning to a "healthy" degree, and also the knowledge to
depent on a drug just to feel "normal".On the other side my "amotivational" debeliating depression and ADD symptoms.
This is probably 1/1000 of my story...I could write a book about my drug experiences.
I hope I didn't make to many language-mistakes.Anyone out there with tianeptine dependency or some thoughts to share?
poster:Helena24
thread:918142
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090921/msgs/918142.html