Posted by rjlockhart on June 10, 2007, at 0:26:40
I may post something here that i should not post.
My friend Shelton, well excuse me the "betrayer" what i call him, bastard.
I was sitting in church came up to him during worship, didnt say a word to me, after worship when we great everyone.... you know, (non denominational church) i smiled, said hi, how is everything in such a happy sense, i just wanted to see my friend, i was so happy to see them, him and sasha.
She smiled at me, but then they got up and left without saying a word, and i just sat there, all of sudden this wave of rejection just hit me of all the times that had been rejected, i went into the prayer room and brokedown crying, there was no one there exept god. This person used me when he was sick (psychically), now he wont talk to me, he deserted me, he does not want to hang out with me.
When they got up and left, i dont know maybe i blew this out of preportion, i felt like a 4 year old being left alone in a classroom. Rerember i cant take past hurts, childhood, i go nuts.
There is one thing that is called vengence, i have been hurt so many times i am sick of it, im angry at reality, not just this time which did set it off, but all the people that dont want to be around me or push me away or just talk to someone else, me trying my hardest to be liked, and then i cant do it anymore, people find no intrest in me,
Also (transitioning) at work, this lady doesnt talk to me because she has been told not to because of her mouth, her name is Laura Myers. She constinatly makes me feel stupid, harrased, or looked down by other because of her influence, she is pathetic for a 40 year old. I told her to go to hell, and said it to her face. She isnt going to get away with this, i'll make sure of that. She influces others to look at me stupid by other and laugh or look at me dumb, listen, i want to get tape rap it around her cunting mouth.
My eyes are so red with fire in them right now im just going to bed.
People have almost made me cry on the floor before because of rejection, nothing about me intrests them, this time in my life its turning into almost thoughts of homocide, not homocide, get back, you dont know how much pain some people have caused to me, maybe its me-the way i go across them. But i have had it, my flesh wants revenge and any kind of revenge i can get whenther its torchering, putting them in there place in public, but all these things are "crininal" revengful things, i am not criminal, im far from it, you know i had some thoughts about this girl who made me almost kill myself in high school, because she had no sympathy, but if someone today did something like that to me again, i would................... mmm get even? even stephen? i would proably do something they would not forget.
And i mean it with this friend of mine, not my friend anymore, i want to get even with him. I cant make threats?
Anything?
poster:rjlockhart
thread:762097
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070604/msgs/762097.html