Posted by deniseuk190466 on January 5, 2007, at 10:27:07
In reply to Re: Not depressed - just a very unhappy person » deniseuk190466, posted by Quintal on January 4, 2007, at 8:36:41
Q,
Thanks for the note of encouragement and support. On my first session with the Professor, when he told me he thought I wanted to be in control all of the time, I did retort "I want to have some control over my medication afterall you people are not Gods or Deities". Then he started saying that as I obviously had such a huge problem with the mental health services why didn't I just go away forget all about them. I told him I don't have a problem with Mental Health Services just some of the psychiatrists, I have had good experiences (with the Private ones anyway)
I think the fact that sometimes I do speak my mind and the fact that I do like to have some say in what medication I try goes against me. Afterall, if I am well enough to actively (obsessively I have to admit) look up drugs on the internet then I can't be that bad and bang off desperate emails to psychiatrists (which I do). If I was really bad then I would be completely passive. Or would I? I'm confused.
My mum says I only like the Private ones as they are more likely to go along with me because they are getting paid for it. I guess there is a point in that but the Private ones have generally seemed to be more encouraging, more supportive and more inclined to take a few risks.
I can't believe you took a drug for six months when you weren't responding to it. I don't have that kind of patience or perhaps I just feel more desperate. Sometimes, I'm not sure if my behaviour is out of desperation or impatience. I know sometimes I feel so desperate that I feel like I cannot carry on a moment longer and that makes me impatient. If I take a new drug and don't feel any benefit after three weeks I start to get really edgy and my reaction is that I want to try something new because I can't go on like this. I know this makes me a difficult patient to treat.
I haven't tried Opiates but I do have Zyprexa on standby. Thanks for the suggestion.
I find what you've told me about your experience worrying. What stands out is that they regard themselves as the experts even though you who are suffering with the condition is the ultimate expert, the nurse you spoke to was just paying lip service, she didn't understand and most of all wasn't hearing you! Your experience of the NHS seems to reflect mine and my experience of Willow View has been "The Professor knows best, we all bow down to the Professor"This Professor even told one woman she was taking too many drugs and that most of his colleagues would refuse to treat her on the basis of this! This woman is still depressed and anxious so I don't think it was very reassuring for her to be told this.
I do get confused though, I know that the more depressed and anxious I am feeling then the more distorted, desperate and irrational my thoughts become, therefore, when I'm in that state my judgement is impaired. If my judgement is impaired then who am I to decide what medication I should be taking. I really don't know anymore.
So where do you stand now?
Denise
poster:deniseuk190466
thread:718891
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070101/msgs/719552.html