Posted by heaven help me on June 4, 2006, at 20:17:06
In reply to Re: What does a diagnosis mean anyway? » heaven help me, posted by Phillipa on June 4, 2006, at 20:13:17
> Mary, what kind of meds are you taking that you think might be helping you with this? I know it may be God's grace, but just in case the meds helped too I was wondering. Thanks, Cara
THE SHORT ANSWER:
am: Synthroid, B,C,E,Garlic, Minerals, Enzymes
midday: Valium, healthy food
pm: 120 mg Geodon, 200 Lamictal, Resotril
THE LONG ANSWER:
Well, I have tried a whole host of meds in the last few years but the ability to strike it up with strangers is a new one to me. It is hard to get into this without getting into the spiritual aspect of it so bear with me. BEFORE meds at all I was not able to handle talk with strangers (or at least on the inside I was thiking about how to get out of it). Then, also, I was trying really hard to be a "good Christian". God let my depressions, and anxieties and insomnias come to a crashing all time high about 4 years ago which is when I (who had sworn NEVER to take meds beacuse that, to me, was an admission of not being well) finally let the Dr. talk me into Ambien for sleep. This began the talking with the Dr that led to the "discovery" that I also had depression, anxiety, etc. We tried many ADs, ALL of which drove me mad either by making me too tired to function, too wired to speak, too deep in anxiety to do anything but cry and shake and so on. My PA finally told me he thought I was bipolar 2 and I went on Zyprexa. (with Prozac and Ambien) Things were good as in I felt better but still unable to really live interacting with people without being sure that I was somehow going to be exposed, or fooled, or something. 35lb of weight gain and a diagnosis of pre-diabetes later we decided it was time to try something else. I tried adding Lamictal which helped a bit, have been on it over a year now. Then 4 months ago we weaned off Zyprexa (hell in itself-but done VERY SLOWLY, from dose to speck was do-able with the help of Lorazepam). In ONE meeting my PA (no, really, he is good) he changed me from Zyprexa(weaned), Prozac(cold turkey), Lamictal and Ambien(cold turkey) to Geodon, Paxil, Lamictal and Restoril. Well, as you can imagine, things were not well for a while. We ditched the Paxil and I have since been on Geodon, Lamictal and Resotril in the eves.
After an adjustment period of about a month I have felt GREAT!!!! Now, I do have some weird jittery thingy going on in the evenings which he has given me a Valium a day for (works wonders) and I have what I think is an inner ear infection giving me very dizzy spells of Veritgo that have been going on about 6 weeks or so now. I wonder sometimes if they are med related but my PA said just wait it out. In that last 6 weeks or so not only do I FEEL better but the Lord has shown me how low I can go over these last few years that I feel this sort of sudden utter reliance on Him that I had not felt before (remember, I wasn't going to take meds cause I could do "it" myself). Since Jan. I have been working at a local crisis pregnancy center where women from ALL walks of life (executives to drug addicts come in for HELP!!!) and I have seen, by God's grace, that I am NO BETTER than ANYONE!!!!!!!!! I am NOT a "good Christian" and I can never BE one. If I am anything "good" at all it is because by the grace of God HE has done something through me. Without Him I beleive I would be dead by now - having not given into meds but having continued doing it on my own, I'd have done myself in. So, He has taught ME (and we all learn in different ways) that I had plenty of faith for Him to heal me (as I had prayed for years for this pre meds) but no faith to trust Him to work through me with meds, and someone else in control (rather than me). So now, here I am, feeling tons better with some PA in charge of me and taking a bunch of meds that I never would have pronounced let alone taken. In addition, His allowing me to come into very close relationships with these women at the center, to see first hand the true dire state of human kind, has given me HIS compassion for these lost, hurting and suffering people and suddenly, suddenly I feel like I can't say enough to enough people!!!! I want everyone to know that God is amazing and that He never gives up on anyone who calls to him (though He may make me wait long enough to learn my lesson) and I don't want ANYONE to miss out on hearing His love call on their hearts. Not the woman at the grocery store, not the addict on the corner, not the mother in the hospital, not the kid next door, not the family at the park, not my daughter's friends, not the gang member, not my acquaintances, not the guy at the tattoo shop. (these ARE all strangers I have taken the initiative to talk to recently). I am BLOWN AWAY by the compassion and the power He has given me to speak as I have never before and to seek conversation with strangers as NEVER have I before. Somehow, now I just see EVERYONE as needing someone to reach out to them, whereas before I somehow was so self-centered that I spent all my time worrying about what others would think of me, or what if I said the wrong thing, or what if the conversation didn't really matter anyway, etc. Now, I think I don't care what anyone thinks of me. God has taken a mess (so if you think I'm one, yep, I am, no more hiding there) and made a miracle and I am happy to tell anyone what He has done for me. Whew! So there you have it. I'm beat, and have probably now spoken more than I should have. Hope I answered your question!
blessings
mary
PS: I'm still a bit worried about all this TD and Geodon talk, plan to talk to my PA on Monday about that one. Really though, so what if God wants me to sink lower? The lower I sink, the better I smell!
poster:heaven help me
thread:652614
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060604/msgs/652964.html