Posted by shadows721 on January 31, 2004, at 0:04:30
In reply to CHRONIC NERVOUSNESS...can you relate?, posted by Lainy on January 30, 2004, at 21:22:55
Yes, I can relate to the chronic nervousness. I also have a history of severe child abuse. Medications help me, but do not do away with it. It is really a painful existence in being so nervous all the time. Unfortunately, I have a tremor that everyone sees. People can see that I have nervousness. I say things backwards or the wrong word. I spell incorrectly too. I think that my mind is working in overdrive on the past. The past haunts my mind with pictures of things that terrorize my present existence. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I have to constantly tell myself this is now and that is the past. Whenever I get into a fuss with someone, I have a frightening fear they will abuse me physically. I have been in therapy for years to deal with my over reaction to simple situations. It's like an abused child is at the control switch of my life. It is disabling. So, yes, I can really identify with the pain of suffering chronic nervousness. I have to remind myself to take deep breaths a lot too. I find I constantly breathe in a very shallow manner.
Hypervigiliance is at the root of my chronic nervousness. My mind states to the body, "You are never safe. You must watch everyone and everything. Therefore, you can't make a mistake. Mistakes means deadly things will happen to you. You must be liked or you will pay a price. Drugs are not safe. People are not safe. Living is not safe. NOTHING is safe." That is how I felt as a 3 years of age.
Of course, this is an internal warfare of the mind. The adult self trying to persuade a 3 year old to let up the control switch and let the imaginary guards down in the mind. It feels like the mind is at war with itself, so the result is major depression and paralyzing anxiety. It is a Hellish painful existence.
poster:shadows721
thread:307532
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040127/msgs/307593.html