Posted by lostsailor on February 3, 2003, at 11:58:26
In reply to Re: Tonight is almost here again..., posted by bampf on January 31, 2003, at 20:59:47
Hi there. Welcome to PB. I too can totally relate to your post. I have bi-polar disorder, which is controlled, GAD and panic disorder with agoraphobia.
At one time I used to work with the mentally ill, esp. geriatric schizophrenics, and crossed the bridge to being in need of a counselor and doctor my-self. What a 180-degree turn around. I have seen the worst manifestations of your diagnosis and spoken to those who have suffered for literally 60+ years with mental illnesses. The stories I have been told by former clients and by older nurses that I worked with have filled me with fear more than once. Between the barbaric treatments and horrible old anti psychotropic meds, I look at 'elder' mental health survivors and consider my-self blessed to at least have fallen ill in the time period we are in.
BM, you seem to have worked hard and accomplished much. Although my bi-polar disorder is basically resolved--like you i have a great doc-- and even more luckily, aside from twice in the hospital two + years ago, have never needed another one in the 7 years that I have been dealing with this "officially". Who knows how many years I was able to hide it all? I still remember on initial visits him helping me cope and reassuring me that he thought this would be a transient issue and I would not need him for long. I wish that were the case but as he and I have discussed, initial symptoms do not always reveal the duration and intensity of an illness. He has even apologized when I complained that he promised I would feel better soon and said that he was only saying what at the time he really felt. Oh well...Treatment is going well and even my panic attacks have almost stopped but my agoraphobia has not and I have become isolated from almost all of my old friends. I am thankful for the net and places like this as it helps to alleviate the loneliness and despair I often feel and for the mutual support we give to one another.
Also, I too have had to stop working and feel terrible about that. Most of this happened to me during my last year of college and during the start of my work on a master's degree. I still want to go back and finish it so bad, but I am terrified of the now 'huge" campus that I used to think nothing of. I have taken some on-line classes since and found them much easier to handle but unfortunately not all are offered on-line so if I choose to finish, I guess I'll have to fight my fears even harder. Maybe, this might be a good option for you when you first start.
UUUmmm...I hope this was a bit of help to you and would love to hear back from you as I too am looking to form some more friendly connections.
IN Peace, ~Tony
Oh, re exercise: stick with it. It’s the only part of my life I have not given up at all and if it not for my running and cycling and healthy diet, I don’t know where I’d be. Sports and fitness have always been important to me, but after getting sick, I have found them to often be my best treatment.
poster:lostsailor
thread:138436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030130/msgs/139116.html