Posted by BarbaraCat on May 17, 2002, at 15:53:06
In reply to Re: Here's my OCD story, posted by Kat26 on May 17, 2002, at 12:31:38
I need your support and some good thoughts sent my way, gang. There's a bulldozer in my back yard pulling down a lovely little hill that has spring flowers growing on it. It acted as a shield for the rest of the destruction going on out there and was my cat's perch. I pleaded with the guy in the big old tractor to please leave it since he's just moving it to another location a few yards away and he just chuckled and shook his head. This guy is a sadist. He just moves dirt around all day long and is trying to pressure us into buying adjacent lots for an outrageous price (he's the owner's nephew).
This is a nightmare and such a heartbreaker. This is the first home we've been able to own and just love it. We knew the lots were there when we bought it, but were assured by many people in town that 'nothing has happened there - the guy's just using them for a tax write off'. I guess we should've known better but fell in love with the area anyway. The land vistas and trees just go on and on. There are birds nesting in those trees. It's quiet and is like a wildlife sanctuary. My cats are now running around freaking out from the noise and the tractor 15 feet from the kitchen windows and I'm on the edge of losing it. I've got to get out of here, I'm so very very sad and the grinding crunching rape of it is horrible.
If I don't work with this and somehow try to find something positive in it I will soon be a total wreck. So here's a plan. For some reason this isn't the place we're supposed to be, it's too threatening to my sanity staying here watching this sacred land turned into a dug out crater and waiting for the manufactured homes to be moved in. But to move will take an awful lot of mobilization, clearing out years worth of clutter from the garage (yes, we moved it from the old place), and coming up with a bunch of money. Also cleaning up bad credit, submitting 4 years worth of tax returns I was too sick and depressed to handle and my husband too complacent to bother with. I'm not going to move again and drag the same old clutter and debts to some other shakey ground. Basically, it means it's time to get off the pot.
This is as good an incentive as any to get well, physically, emotionally, and financially. I've got the whole summer and fall to make alot of changes, hold garage sales, file taxes, get my bod into a lean mean machine before I need to go back to work to start making the big bucks again. To go back to those little gray cubicles and sit in front of a computer all day will take major health and sanity.
I can live with this for that long. Dear Hubby will just have to get off his ass as well and start contributing instead of hanging out on unemployment. OK, I can obsess with the best of them, but this is real, it's a threat that needs action. Here's where the rubber meets the road, folks. I'm going to take all this swirling manic psychosis and the nervous pain in my muscles and hone it like a laser. I need to focus it into constructive action instead of giving into my current fantasy of plotting to kill this guy on the tractor. I'm mad as hell and I ain't gonna take it!!!! But please, anyone who reads this, if you could just take a moment to send me some strength right now, I sure could use it. - Barbara
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:106680
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020517/msgs/106800.html