Posted by sillygrrl on August 11, 2001, at 15:43:45
After 14 years (half my life) of being in and out of therapy and off and on of antidepressants, someone (me, with the help of a bipolar friend researching mania with me) figured out that I don't have ADD, I'm bipolar II.
I've been mistaking my dysphoric mania for agitation and paranoia and my euphoric mania for "well, I'm just extra motivated when I'm not depressed." I always found it interesting that my "ADD" was so much worse when not depressed, made worse by antidepressents, and that Ritalin made me high on small doses.
Duh.
Well, my psychologist saw me in a hypomanic state and was surprised no one had suggested this before, and he immediately called my psychiatrist. The pdoc hemmed and hawed and seemed to think it was just the meds I was on and I should try Remeron instead of Zoloft, but I jumped up and down and explained that "this state" occurs when I'm *not* on Zoloft or anything else and happens *more often* when on it.
So he gave me Depakote.
At first I was excited - they finally know what's wrong with me! Then I was miserable - how the hell could it have taken people this long! The stuff i do when hypomanic is pretty obviously a bit nutty. I just keep getting pegged as flaky, easily excited, obnoxious, rude, belligerent, arrogant, etc. But people who see me when I'm depressed think I'm overly responsible, cynical, and submissive. Now I know why my whole life people seem to have one extreme view of me or another. Duh again.
So now I have this bottle of Depakote, but I haven't taken a single pill. Because now I'm doubting the whole thing. And I'm both afraid of Depakote working, and not working. I suppose mostly I'm afraid of it working and giving me miserable side effects.
Can anyone give me some of their personal experieces with Depakote? Hopefully positive? My hypomania is mostly about having a flood of ideas and tons of energy and trying to do way too much at once. I can't get out of my own way. I should be studying, but then I get this "great idea" for a story that I just have to write that very second or I'm supposed to be working but I suddenly *have* to look up something on the web from every possible point of view til I can practically write a book on what I've learned.
sillygrrl
poster:sillygrrl
thread:74646
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010809/msgs/74646.html